Preparing for that perfect Valentine’s Day date can be stressful, but the staff at the University’s Center for Family Therapy is encouraging the University community to make a date to assess and improve relationships.
The center will offer free one-hour relationship check-ups for couples, singles and families from noon to 8 p.m. on Wednesday in the Thompson University Center building. Event organizers expect about 60 couples, and 20 volunteer therapists will be on hand.
Program Director John Miller said that couples often don’t have important conversations about their relationships, and the sessions offer a chance to “update the database” of a relationship.
“It’s a different thing if one member of a couple says, ‘Hey, what do you really like about this relationship?’ and, ‘What do you want to do more of?’
“Sometimes that can be viewed as, ‘What, do you want more?’ ‘Is that a complaint?’ or, ‘Do you not like what’s going on?’”
He said an objective third party, like a counselor, can help a couple assess a relationship because the counselor doesn’t take sides and is there to ask the right questions.
“A lot of couples may not have concrete dialogue about these things,” said intern and second-year graduate student Michael Grigg. “It’s kind of assumed and implied in their relationship that they want kids, or want to retire this way.”
About 90 percent of those who came to the event in the past said it helped improve their relationship, according to Center for Family Therapy surveys. The sessions are meant to introduce people to the world of therapy.
Intern and second-year graduate student Jenna Wheeler said therapy is often inaccurately portrayed in the media. She said patients won’t sit on a couch, and a counselor won’t typically ask for childhood details.
“There’s a lot of misunderstanding of what therapy is,” Miller said. “Name any show with a therapist in it, and it’s wrong, and often unethical.”
Counseling is more interactive and collaborative than how it’s portrayed in the media, Miller said. Counselors also focus on the present and future and don’t label anyone.
Grigg said therapy isn’t daunting or scary.
“We’re working with the clients,” he said. “We’re not telling them, ‘This is how things should be.’ We’re working with them to hear their perspective and what fits for them.”
Wheeler said that sessions are also shorter than portrayed in the media.
“People aren’t expecting to be here for two years,” she said. “It’s usually from eight to 20 sessions.”
A Surgeon General report prompted the center to offer the free Valentine’s Day sessions five years ago.
“It said that half of the people who would benefit from going to counseling, don’t go and never will go,” Miller said. “That’s a big problem. It’s like having a fancy race car, and nobody ever drives it.”
Wheeler said that busy lifestyles can add to couples not talking to each other, but the sessions will provide a place to do so.
Patients who don’t feel they need to address any problems are also welcome. Miller said couples often come to the session looking for enrichment.
“We’re not telling them whether their relationship is good or bad,” Wheeler said. “We’re just getting any idea of what they’re looking for, their strengths, their goals, their areas for growth – not making a judgment about them.”
She said University students often address the future of their relationships.
This year’s event also focuses on the baby boomer generation. Miller predicts that boomers will spend more time together after retirement.
“In their retirement, they’re facing a lot of time together,” Miller said. “Retirement is predicted to be a lot longer, even two times as long as it has been.”
Organizers emphasized that the event isn’t just for couples. Families and singles are welcome, and the center is gay friendly.