Let’s face it – sex isn’t such a big deal anymore, and if you aren’t personally partaking within this hedonistic world of casual copulation, then your friends probably are. We tend to believe that college is the time to experiment, and the pressure to hook up and explore is on, so now that we’re finally through with puberty, it’s time to strut our stuff. So we grant others access to our bodies in abandonment, hooking up with one another without much hesitation. Often lubricated by alcohol or weed, we touch, prod, and explore each other as though it were our manifest destiny.
Why have we plummeted tail-first into this world of casual, no-strings-attached sex? Because our parental guidance is limited, we are free to reinvent ourselves, and it feels damn good. It’s time to discover who we are sexually – what we like, who we like, and how we like it. What are some byproducts of this nonchalant attitude toward free love? The end of dating proceeded by the death of romance. Most are too caught up screwing around anonymously to notice.
We are being trained to believe that hooking up is cool, and expecting a commitment is not, so we replace relationships with hooking up. It’s our method of investing very little emotional effort in someone else while milking them dry of what they have to offer us physically. In the process, we have become so desensitized to the prospect of a real connection that interaction with the opposite sex has turned into a strategy, and so we make what is supposed to be an intimate experience into a superficial one. After all, it’s tough to be real with someone when we are supposed to have “game.”
We have become so disenchanted with the idea of a real relationship that we simply learn not to expect one. We are foolish to call someone the next day, because when it comes to one-night-stands, we aim to be invulnerable. Thereafter, we learn to distrust others of the opposite sex and to objectify them immediately.
The Journal of Sex Research reports that factors such as intoxication, low self-esteem, relational style and depression may increase the probability of some individuals to engage in one-night-stands. This correlation is unsurprising: Those who grant such personal access to someone they don’t respect more than likely don’t have a lot of respect for themselves.
There is an undeniable feeling of emptiness that follows the one-night-stand, usually for one partner, if not both (it’s not called the “walk of shame” for nothing). Our initial reaction is to fill this emptiness with another chance encounter, but just like the shiny new car that loses its luster 20,000 miles later, it’s not enough. We come down from our hormonal high, and we are back at square one: alone. And while we have a plentitude of conquests under our belt, we have nothing to show for it. Sure, some say sexual experience is invaluable, but you will never really get to know yourself sexually if you are consistently mating with others who don’t know you well either.
Men’s Fitness magazine reports that roughly 30 percent of women and 11 percent of men in college are coerced into sex at one point or another. This tells me that some are having sex not out of desire, but out of a feeling of obligation. Can you imagine – someone giving it up just to get it over with? Sleeping with someone else because they are reluctant to disappoint? I’m guessing your answer is yes, this very scenario is imaginable, because it happens quite often. So the question I am forced to ask is this: Why sleep with someone that you wouldn’t normally want to? In a world where we are forced to do so many things we would otherwise choose not to, why make sex one of them? I understand not wanting to disappoint or appear prude, but committing an act that carries such a potential for consequence against your better judgment is unjustified. Trust your gut. Listen to yourself. It’s your body – don’t share it unless you truly want to. And as awkward as it may be to push someone off of you who’s expecting to “tap that,” just do it. It’s really quite empowering. And if you really care about what your partner thinks, just imagine how skanky you might appear for giving it up so easily.
Having sex without any regard for yourself is ultimately unfulfilling. While I do not disregard the point that we all have certain sexual needs, I believe that we should be more attentive to our desires of companionship and acceptance. Casual sex does not facilitate satiating either. I’m not saying wait for “the one,” or even wait to fall in love, but wait for someone who, beyond being hot, respects and intrigues you.
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