The question remains: “Who are the real ecoterrorists?” The government says, nonviolent vandals. Greens reply, corporate planet plunderers.
If we’re talking about the most damage to the Earth and its life forms, CEOs have got nothing on the mastermind behind such terrorist acts as hurricanes, earthquakes, tsunamis, floods, droughts, and volcanoes.
The evil genius responsible is, of course, humanity’s ancient arch-nemesis-the ultimate ecoterrorist – Nature. From day one, Nature has done everything in its power to bring humanity to its knees, because Nature hates us and our freedoms.
If daily terrorist acts since the dawn of time aren’t enough to hang Nature on, we have a chance to catch the tyrant in the act of its latest fiendish plot: the climate crisis.
But even if we thwart climate change, Nature’s final solution (in the undetermined future) is to detonate the greatest weapon of mass destruction ever conceived, annihilating Earth once and for all: the sun.
We Americans must act now, because no other country is going to fight this war! Let’s nuke fault lines, volcanoes, the molten core of the Earth! Poison and bleed dry the planet’s water supply! Spew pollution into the sky, choking Nature to death!
If this doesn’t work we’ll need a preemptive strike to blow up the sun before it blows us up instead! Because we’ve got to do something!
What’s that you say? “Adapt our way of life to what Nature can sustain”?
Come on. That’s not the American way.
Josh Schlossberg
Eugene