I recently saw some online vlog of an “alt-baguette” who decided the hippest new thing was to shave a section of her hair off. 
“I was sitting around today, and I thought I would like to shave half my head,” alt-bag said. 
The girl proceeds to, albeit pretty professionally, section off the left side of her head and dive in with her clippers. She ends the video saying that, you know, on those days when you don’t want to look like an outcast of society, you can just flip over your remaining mop and cover that bald spot up. 
I could see some ugo middle schooler, confused about the meaning of life, doing something like this, but this woman looked like a respectable young hottie. The thing went viral because if you search any alternative media site/ any cool new indie band, you’ll find a bunch of these “alt cuts.”
Now, I understand that being alternative is cool, and maybe I could even agree that it’s a good thing. You know, mix things up for a diverse array of eye candy, but hipster stuff like this where you render yourself unattractive, that’s a hard one to grasp. Perhaps that’s the aim though, making yourself unattractive to all those except other people trying to be ugly, too. I guess even hipster bros are opting for those “cool” androgynous cuts to complement their rail-skinny vegan legs and arms.
There comes a point, though, when breaking societal norms just for the hell of it gets a bit childish. I bet if alt-bag with half a head of hair went into Pitchfork looking for a job and forgot to do her little flippity-do to cover her bare naked head, she’d get a roomful of guffaws. 
I guess this phenomenon has even infiltrated the big kids. Mainstreamer Rihanna decided it was cool. Was she trying to be more alt? Some people just get a kick out of “trying to be indie.” Maybe it’s a feminist thing. You know, like the new wave of women empowerment. Lady GaGa didn’t do it, though. She’s purportedly the new epitome of lady empowerment. Like a really bad, extreme version of Madonna.
If this shift is about female empowerment, then they have some serious issues to be riffling through. The popular blog for alt-people “Hipster Runoff” reported on popular “alternative/ mainstream” model Agyness Deyn, who, before going to Coachella music festival, decided to get a little boy’s hair cut. How empowering is it to look like a little boy, though?
This movement is beginning to blow my mind. All these paradoxes mixed up with discombobulated social movements don’t make sense. Therein lies the fundamental aspect of hipsterdom: not having a point, being confused and attempting to defy every social norm possible. Because looking like anyone else would be the bane of their existence. 
But the confusion doesn’t end there. There are those “others” who choose, in standard hipster fashion, not to “give a shit.” I’ll say now and stand on this: Apathy is the hipster’s one and only rule to live (or die) by. So we come across those sorts that look like hobos.
Excessive facial hair and a scruff of a mob sprouting out the bottom of their beanie really accurately depicts these folks. They make more sense to me, but they’re not putting off any hotter vibes. In fact, taken to their logical extreme, they may even smell like hobos. Sounds just as, maybe even more, repulsive than a shaved section of hair.
Now, of course, the long bangs for guys and the bulbous ones for girls are pretty passé. But at least those don’t repulse every other normal person walking by.
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