Oh, baby. Ladies and gentleman, the day is finally upon us. The NBA season has arrived.
It actually began last night, but as this column is written, the results of those games are unknown. And you know what? No one cares what I think about LeBron playing for the Heat, or Shaq moving to the Celtics. I could write hundreds of words about Derrick Rose and my hometown Bulls, or the Lakers’ chances to repeat.
But the truth is, I’m not an authority on such matters. Fans have the experts at ESPN to answer their questions. (And boy, do they ever this year. Want some information on the Heat? Go to “The Heat Index.” Carlos Boozer’s bizarre injury? “ESPN Chicago.” I can’t wait for their next creation: “ESPN Slam Your Head Into a Table,” for anyone who still watches the Timberwolves.)
So no, I can’t give you any inside information on the Thunder’s chances to win the West. What I can tell you is that there are some fascinating subplots to this upcoming NBA season. Pundits are calling it the most anticipated season in decades; with so much roster upheaval in the offseason, it’s a reasonable statement to make.
This column, however, will focus on the little things. After all, the details are what make the NBA so great. Without further ado, here are a few of my burning questions as the season begins:
1. When is Dirk Nowitzki filing his papers to transfer to the WNBA?
A couple weeks ago, I stumbled across a Mavericks preseason highlight and thought I was watching the greatest women’s basketball player to ever live. Alas, it was just Dirk Nowitzki sporting his latest hairstyle. He seems to be making this a yearly tradition: growing his hair out in the offseason, leaving it for a few weeks, then finally cutting it after seemingly realizing how ridiculous he looks. Personally, I hope he keeps it for the whole season this time. I’m not sure anyone’s ever seen a player score 25 points per game with hair down to his chest. Let’s make this year a first.
2. How many times will Drew Gooden be traded this year?
Drew Gooden is 29 years old. He has played in the NBA for nine seasons. In that period of time, he has played for … nine teams. When you think about it, that’s pretty extraordinary. In his first NBA season, he was traded from Memphis to Orlando. In the 2008-09 season, he played for three different teams (Chicago, Sacramento, San Antonio) before heading to Dallas for the 2009-10 season. From there, he was traded midseason to the Clippers. I’m exhausted just typing all of that. He starts this season in Milwaukee, but somehow I don’t think he’ll play there for a full season. Just a hunch.
3. At what point in the season will David Stern bar the Toronto Raptors from appearing on television?
Have you seen the Raptors’ roster this year? They weren’t very good even when Chris Bosh was there, and now they’re just atrocious. Going through every team’s lineup, Toronto is probably the only team that I have absolutely no interest in watching. Really, things can’t be going well when you hand Amir Johnson a $34 million contract in the offseason.
4. Can Ron Artest continue to top himself?
Ron Ron provided one of my all-time favorite NBA moments last season when he thanked his psychiatrist after winning the championship. It was both hilarious and endearing — how many athletes (or human beings, period) would have the courage to say something like that on national television? It didn’t help Artest’s image as the league’s resident crazy man, but I loved it nonetheless. Slowly, but surely, Artest is moving the brawl in Detroit out of the public consciousness.
To provide for more moments like this, it should be required that Artest is interviewed after every game. I don’t care if he had no points, 10 turnovers, and fouled out of the game, the sideline reporter must talk to him. Ron Artest and live television is a match made in heaven.
5. What will David Kahn’s next move be?
If you don’t know who Kahn is, he’s the current general manager of the Minnesota Timberwolves. His tenure thus far has been quite interesting. In the 2009 draft, he famously managed to draft two straight point guards (Ricky Rubio and Jonny Flynn) while whiffing on the only good one (Stephen Curry). In the offseason, he re-signed (yes, re-signed) Darko Milicic for $20 million, then compared him to Chris Webber during a summer league game. Webber, by the way, was right next to him when he made this comparison, making for a fantastically awkward moment.
Kahn followed this by trading Al Jefferson (one of his best players) to the Jazz for essentially nothing (two first round picks and … Kosta Koufos!). Oh, and he acquired Michael Beasley to top things off.
Kahn’s occupation before heading to the NBA? He was a journalist for The Oregonian. Well, there go my chances of ever becoming an NBA general manager.
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Malee: My 5 questions heading into the NBA season
Daily Emerald
October 25, 2010
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