It’s Sexual Violence Prevention Week on campus, which you probably know if you’ve read the Emerald in the past week. Members of our community have addressed sexual violence and its impact on international students and students with disabilities in Letters to the Editor. If you haven’t read them, then go to dailyemerald.com and do so; they are too important for a summary.
The reality of sexual assault on campus is impossible to pin down, but statistics suggest that 1 in 4 college women and 1 in 8 men are the survivors of some kind of sexual assault. These numbers are almost certainly too small because of the stigma society has against people who speak out; sexual assault is one of the most chronically underreported crimes in the U.S. That is why awareness and education is so important.
Unfortunately, there is one group in our community that frequently opts out of these conversations: men. This year, the University Health Center has developed “Be That Guy,” an initiative that is designed to encourage and celebrate the positive contributions of men toward ending sexual violence. Judging by what some people have to say on Facebook, the initiative is encountering predictable negativity from men who don’t commit sexual violence. They feel targeted and that their gender is under attack. Consequently, they have entirely missed the point.
I am a man, and I have never perpetrated an act of sexual violence. I hope that most of the men I interact with on a daily basis aren’t perpetrators, but maybe they are. Regardless, in a group of assumed “innocent” men, some profoundly damaging things can happen, particularly when we talk about sports. I wish it weren’t that stereotypical, but hear me out. Every time I talk with more than three or four people about Kobe Bryant or Ben Roethlisberger or any other famous athlete accused of sexual assault, someone inevitably says, “Yeah, she wanted it, and she felt bad about it later.” Sometimes, everyone gets quiet, and someone points out how messed up it is to say something like that. Other times, though, people agree, and sometimes they laugh.
Can you imagine being the survivor of a sexual assault and hearing someone say that as you walked past them in your residence hall? Or in line while you’re trying to get coffee? Me neither, but I would bet that it’s truly awful. Can you imagine being the survivor of a sexual assault and hearing these conversations in your own head when you are trying to decide whether you should tell someone about your experience or not? Me neither, but I can understand why survivors are prevented from seeking help.
Here’s the reality: Men are, statistically speaking, responsible for almost every single act of sexual violence in the U.S. Some studies put the number at 99 percent. But men frequently deny responsibility because they are not perpetrators themselves. Sexual violence, however, is much more than an interpersonal crime. It’s socially motivated, and the silence we as a society impose upon survivors is ceaselessly strengthened by the actions of men like those who defend famous perpetrators in public. The silence is strengthened even by men who don’t say things like that, but don’t tell others not to.
Take Back the Night is on Thursday, April 28 at 6 p.m. in the EMU Amphitheater. Historically, there aren’t very many men at events like this because they find them uncomfortable. Take Back the Night is about ending the pervasive discomfort that many women feel when walking alone at night. Isn’t it ironic that men choose to ignore the fear women in our world feel because it’s too uncomfortable to listen to?
Everyone, everyone, everyone should go to Take Back the Night this year. If you’re a survivor, go and feel the support that you are so often denied. If you are an ally, go and offer support. If you are someone who feels uncomfortable at the thought of attending, then please go. All you have to do is listen. It might be uncomfortable, but your discomfort will end when the event does. For survivors of sexual violence, it will never be that easy.
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Terhune: Male support crucial at Take Back The Night event
Daily Emerald
April 24, 2011
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