We at the Emerald have noticed a recent trend of people suffering serious injuries in the masses of humanity entering box stores on the day after Thanksgiving. In the name of safety, here are some no-nonsense ways to protect yourself from the insanity of Black Friday:
10. Kevlar — because you just can’t ever be safe enough
9. Sleep in — it’s what we’ll be doing
8. Tranquilizers
7. iPad 2 — there’s an app for that
6. Survival kit — no, we can’t be any more descriptive about that one
5. Ski mask
4. Hard candy — curry some favor with long-time shoppers to get some hints.
3. Caffeinated drink
2. Lemonade stand — you can make a few bucks off the people camping — er, inhabiting the parking lot
1. Boombox — as SNL pointed out, not a toy
Top 10 ways to survive Black Friday
Daily Emerald
November 21, 2011
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