This is a part of our satirical series “The Shallot.” All content is unbelievably fake.
The Eugene Police Department was given a lesson in culture last weekend by the freshman class at the University when it followed a tip about another freshman riot.
The caller, who wished to remain anonymous, told police that a large group of freshman were planning on taking to the streets Saturday night in an “epic encore” of last year’s riot. As many remember, the EPD were forced to use tear gas and hand out MIPs to many freshmen that night.
After receiving the tip, Chief Otis Rowley took to the popular social networking site Facebook in order to do some extra reconnaissance. There, he found an event called “FR3SHM4N RIOT NUMBAH 2!! LET’S ROCK THEEZ B*****Z!!” which confirmed the time and date of the riot.
“We were prepared for the worst,” Rowley said, “We ordered extra tear gas and equipped our men with small hand grenades in case things got too out of hand.”
However, when police arrived on the scene at 4:20 in the afternoon on Saturday, what they found was a boom box playing Rick Astley’s popular song, “Never Gonna Give You Up.”@@boom box ap style@@
“We weren’t really sure what to do,” Deputy Ron Parsons said, “There weren’t any students there. Just the boom box.”
The deputies stayed at the site for four hours, anticipating an attack. When they returned to the police station later that day, they found a banner reading, “U mad, bro?” hanging in the office.
Every member of the freshman class declined comment.