It is nearly impossible to predict a six-month-long baseball season before it starts. With so many intricacies, ups, downs and intangibles, how can a mere mortal like a sports reporter dare to attempt this amazing feat before even a single pitch has been thrown?
You need, like, a week.
One week is all it takes to scratch that baseball jock itch. Things have settled down. Barry Bonds is, obviously, still a hitting god. The Tigers still stink. Randy Johnson and Curt Schilling can still carry the Diamondbacks.
Yet things are vastly different. The Devil Rays are 3-3? Jason Giambi can’t hit a baseball? Pedro’s back?
These things were inconceivable a week ago.
So without further pomp and circumstance, here are this humble reporter’s predictions for the 2002 baseball season, with a week’s worth of wisdom packed in.

AL West
1. Mariners. Somebody asked me the other day who my favorite M’s player was. I proceeded to name most of the team, and why not? These guys are like little teddy bears, you just want to squeeze ’em. Sure they won’t win 116 games again, but maybe winning few games, combined with losing in the postseason last year, will propel them to more wins in this year’s playoffs. Call it baseball karma.
2. A’s (wild-card team). The A’s don’t have as much pop with Giambi now a Yankee, but their pitching staff is young and dominating. And they’ve got young hitters like Eric Chavez and Carlos Pena that are just aching to make a big-league impact.

3. Angels.
4. Rangers.

AL Central
1. Cleveland. This club looks down their schedule and practically blows a blood vessel from laughing so hard. Kansas City? Detroit? Please. Cleveland rocks again in the sport’s weakest division.
2. White Sox.
3. Twins.
4. Royals.
5. Tigers.

AL East
1. Yankees. Any decent, self-respecting baseball fan should hate the Yanks with every cracker-jacked bone in their body. The Yankees represent everything wrong with baseball, that any team with money can win. Money and busloads of tradition. And team chemistry. And one of the most loveable, well-respected managers in the business. Boo to the Yankees. Boooo.
2. Red Sox.
3. Toronto.
4. Tampa Bay.
5. Baltimore.

NL West
1. Giants. San Francisco is off to a blazing start, and it’s not just because Bonds has hit five dingers in the five games he’s played. It’s because Bonds is more relaxed doing it. He took a chill pill. He will hit his 75th homer of the season off Randy Johnson as the Giants and Diamondbacks battle in a one-game playoff for the division title.
2. Diamondbacks (wild-card team). Four words, and you know them. Randy Johnson Curt Schilling. Curt Johnson Randy Schilling. Johnson Schilling Randy Curt. Who cares? They dominate, the Diamondbacks win lots of games. Great.
3. Dodgers.
4. Padres.
5. Rockies.

NL Central
1. Cardinals. In the National League’s craziest division, St. Louis has the edge because of a solid pitching staff. Mark McGwire’s gone, but he has been so injured over the past few years that he hasn’t had much of an impact anyway. When top-name players like Daryl Kile and Jim Edmonds defer money from their contracts so the team can benefit, you know you’ve got a playoff-caliber team on your hands.
2. Pirates.
3. Astros.
4. Cubs.
5. Reds.
6. Brewers.

NL East
1. Mets. New York picked up enough firepower in the offseason to almost make the Yankees envious. But not quite. Still, guys like Roberto Alomar, Jeremy Burnitz and Mo Vaughn can’t hurt, unless they’re hurt, like Vaughn is now. Right. The Mets end Atlanta’s postseason streak in a one-game playoff at the end of the season.
2. Atlanta.
3. Phillies.
4. Expos.
5. Marlins.

Playoffs
ALDS: Mariners over Cleveland (this time it’s not so close). A’s over Yankees (Oakland’s pitching staff wreaks revenge on Giambi).
NLDS: Giants over Mets (Bonds finally ends his postseason woes and hits four dingers in the series). Diamondbacks over Cardinals (two wins each from Arizona’s Big Two is all it takes in a 5-game series).
ALCS: Mariners over A’s (in the seventh game, Seattle’s bullpen is the difference).
NLCS: Giants over Diamondbacks (Bonds’ homers provide the difference in two wins over the Big Two).
World Series: Giants and Mariners tie.
Just kidding. In another thriller, the M’s edge the Giants in Game 7 due to the clutch hitting of Ichiro in the 12th inning.
By the way, this article was in no way tainted by my equal love for the Giants and Mariners. Ha ha. Ha. Right. And Derek Jeter can fly.
So, until next season, buy me some peanuts and cracker jacks. I know you don’t want me to come back.
Don’t worry, I’ll be at the ballgame.