Ah, the stress of writing a music column. Each week I am faced with the ever-difficult question of what to write about.
The fact that there’s a new Baha Men album?
That Master P and his son are going to be the stars of a new sitcom on Nickelodeon?
That the classic 1980s album “Too-Rye-Ah” by Dexy’s Midnight Runners will be re-released in February?
All of these stories are nail-bitingly newsworthy. I know that much. But some things need to take precedence.

Like the fact that Chris Kirkpatrick of ‘N Sync is now a clothing designer. And he’s not designing hip urban styles for the legions of teen pop fans, people. The facially hirsute, formerly dreadlocked star is designing women’s sportswear. Yes, you read that right. Kirkpatrick’s FuMan Skeeto line of women’s sportswear will even have its runway debut with a show during New York’s Fashion Week next month.
A pet peeve that I probably share with the majority of the world is when I am misled by bloodsucking corporate bigwigs. Case in point: Last month I got wind of the fact that U2 would be releasing a “rarities” disc on Jan. 22 exclusively at Target stores. Since B-side/rarities albums and U2 are two of my favorite things in the world, I was filled with a rush of anticipation I had not felt since Paula Abdul released “Spellbound.”
Alas, the Target connection should have tipped me off to the inevitable disappointment. “U2 7” contains three remixes of songs from the band’s latest release, “All That You Can’t Leave Behind” and an acoustic version of recent single “Stuck In A Moment.” Also included are “Summer Rain,” which was available on the first pressings of “All That You Can’t Leave Behind,” and “Always,” which is the original version of the comeback single “Beautiful Day.”
Which leaves us with the one true rarity, “Big Girls Are Best,” and judging from the title, I’m not expecting much more than a rehash of Queen’s “Fat Bottomed Girls.” Thank you Target.
However, just this morning I received news that warmed me to the very core of my soul. One of the greatest bands of all time, KMFDM, have apparently forgotten the fact that they broke up a few years ago and will be releasing a new album this spring! For those who aren’t quite up to speed on bombastic German industrial music, after disbanding in 1998, leader Sascha immediately formed a new band called… MDFMK. Sadly, the MDFMK album kind of sucked. Personally, I think that the whole MDFMK idea was kind of backwards. Get it? Sometimes I just kill myself with this stuff!
Anyway, “Attak” comes out April 19, but even more exciting than that is yet another new release on the horizon: “Plastic Fang” by the Jon Spencer Blues Explosion. Also coming out in April, the album features Dr. John (of the Cajun voodoo vibe), Bernie Worrell (of the P-Funk mothership) and Elliott Smith (perhaps the most spectacularly intriguing guest appearance of the last seven years). I await “Plastic Fang” with bated breath.
This upcoming work of art might usher in a strange new era of music in which Smith is a country-fried extroverted blues belter, and Jon Spencer has finally learned that it’s okay for a man to cry in public. The last time I was this excited was when Kris Kross released “Da Bomb” back in 1993. Jump, jump, y’all!