Oregon Daily Emerald: Can you tell me your name, what year you are in school and what your major is?
Jeremy L. Jones: My official title for this election is Jeremy Jones, Emperor of Destiny, Hope for Mankind, but you can call me just Emperor Jones, or Jeremy is fine. I’m a junior, and I’m majoring in journalism.
Emerald: What is your legislative agenda?
Jones: Well, it’s pretty much as simple as this: Basically, what I’m going to do is I’m going to restore order to this University. That’s what I’m saying to you here is what you need to do — we’re going to take out the ASUO all together and take them all out. I’m installing a totalitarian regime that’s bent on world domination, basically.
Emerald: What are your campus initiatives?
Jones: Well, my biggest plan, and this is the most exciting — you might not know this, but OSU is historically part of the University of Oregon. It’s been taken from us, and so I think we should expand to our natural borders, and the first thing we’re going to do is declare war on them and take them over. That’s really my biggest goal, I think.
Emerald: How will you interact with the community?
Jones: Well, you know, being an emperor, you know, being in my position that I will be in, interaction will be mostly through parades, and I will be seen everywhere. You’ll see me, I’ll be down on the street followed by cherubs and normal parade of entourage. They’ll be nice, I assure you. It’ll be great. But I’ll also be very visible to the campus in other ways. For example, I promise not only drug problems, I promise sex scandals, I promise the whole nine yards. You’ll have to even hire a reporter just to tag along just to make sure they don’t miss anything. You’ll hear my name everyday. It will be a beautiful thing, I’m telling you. I’ll be the most visible candidate ever.
Emerald: How would you make the ASUO relevant to students?
Jones: Well, I’ll be expanding it of course, so therefore it’s already better. But more relevant, I think what you’re asking for is the government, how this new institution of mine will be more relevant to students, and it’s very simple. It’ll finally be a part of their lives, and not only a part of their lives, it will be their lives. You know, there’s a lot of problems around here because there’s no control. I’m talking about control — I’m talking about control of their dressing. I mean they’re going to have to have a book on them at all times, just to tell them what to think. This is the kind of control. It’s going to be a major part of their lives. And they will respect me for that, I think.