Being a member of the press comes with many privileges, such as screening movies before their release and talking with celebrities. But not so often addressed is the price paid for these amenities.
Warner Bros. decided to capitalize on a concentration of impressionable college journalists at a Seattle conference last weekend, by holding a media event with three “extended trailers” and a full feature. But the fun didn’t stop there. Stars from the films were trotted out to do the publicity song and dance.
Ohmigod ohmigod ohmigod. Second-class celebrities! Seeing them in person overrides individual, critical thought!
If this reaction is what Warner expects, they’re grossly out of touch with today’s wearier-than-thou college demographic. Here is a short list of things to keep in mind when cajoling an educated audience:
Get a decent host. The rambling, E!-channel reject running the show couldn’t have been human. He was a soulless robot programmed to plug. Not only did he insult the audience by expecting them to shout every time he pronounced the name of a film — he dodged intelligent questions and insulted the ones who asked them.
Get willing celebrities. Jason Lee set a sour tone for the evening as the first actor to take questions about his film “Dreamcatcher.” He wanted to be anywhere other than that theater. Many of his answers were single words, and the sentences he bothered to construct often dodged the questions. The best thing Lee did was refer to the film’s poopy-rodent looking monsters as “shitweasels,” voicing what was on everyone’s minds and fully stripping the film of any credibility.
It is to Lee’s credit that he hated the situation. Anyone with dignity would have. But then why even bother bringing him? In fact, why Warner bothered showing extended footage of “Shitweasels” — which is the title the film truly deserves — is a mystery. The more the plot is revealed, the more inane it seems. Which leads to…
Promote appropriate films. The only excuse anyone has for seeing a second of “Shitweasels” is to catch the unrelated “Animatrix” short at the end. “Shitweasels” has no suitable audience because it should not exist. Warner also touted “Terminator 3” and “Malibu’s Most Wanted.” There are two kinds of people on this earth: those who love Arnold Schwarzenegger and those who don’t. Neither will change their decision to see or ignore “T3” even if you have Schwarzenegger personally wash their dishes. “Suds to be you,” he would say before blowing away commie-Nazi terrorists with an Uzi pulled from the dishwater. Funny, but it wouldn’t change a damn thing. The other film is teen crap, being neither witty nor offensive enough to pander to a college crowd.
Despite this atrocity, some people were still won over. There was hooting and hollering to beat the band. One girl actually contended for the water bottle that had been sauced with Lee’s spittle. These are the people who clung to their goody grab-bags like childhood teddy bears and will wear the promotional hats and undersized tank-tops sincerely believing that they have been somehow brought closer to greatness.
The intelligent people acknowledged that this pageant was contrived and milked it for what it was worth — a free Subway dinner and laughing at shitweasels. But all this was a precursor to the full presentation of “A Mighty Wind,” the latest effort from Christopher Guest and Eugene Levy.
Showing this film was the one thing Warner Bros. did right. Like the duo’s previous efforts, “Waiting for Guffman” and “Best in Show,” the documentary presentation of a story built on improvisation caters to a sophisticated viewer. This time, the satirical scene is set around the world of folk music, as estranged bands reunite for a memorial concert.
When Guest appeared after the film with co-stars Harry Shearer and John Michael Higgins, he was worn, likely from travel, but the group respectfully answered questions. Sadly, many “journalists” asked questions which prompted Guest to repeat that there was, in fact, no scripted dialogue for the film and yes, in fact, the actors were playing their own instruments. So in the presence of three great performers, the guilty reward was hearing Shearer, who voices Mr. Burns on “The Simpsons” say, “Excellent.”
In the end, Warner wasted whatever expenses it paid for the theater, the food, the actors and the tchotchkes. The four hours spent observing this debacle were not wasted in the sense that they shed light on the nauseating amorality of Hollywood public relations. But the experience tainted the pleasure of the press’ enviable privileges.
Contact the Pulse columnist at [email protected]. His views do not necessarily represent those of the Emerald.