I don’t know what it is, but there’s something about used book shopping that I love. I find the smell of piles of books in an enclosed location simply intoxicating. I admit I feel the same way about the smell of gasoline, but to each his own. So, I was excited to learn that the Friends of the Library will be holding the 25th annual book sale at the Lane County Fairgrounds in the Wheeler Pavilion this weekend. Amazing how those annual events can catch you by surprise.
I am, among other things, a total book addict. I think the correct term is bibliophile. When I don’t have a book to flip through, I’ll read practically anything. I once spent 40 minutes on a “Right Turn Only” sign. I’ll admit this probably has something to do with my fondness for the smell of gasoline, but I must say, I was enthralled. Sadly, the people in the cars behind me did not feel the same way and I was forced to move on before I got to the climactic finish.
You might wonder how any dutiful college student can find time to read for pleasure while balancing a heavy workload of classes, studying and writing pithy newspaper columns. It’s very simple. All I do is make a list of all my classes, calculate the amount of time I need to study, add the amount of time I need to work, write all this down on a piece of paper, throw it in the trash and read the latest Elmore Leonard novel. One must have priorities.
So I’ve got about $20 to blow this weekend on books. Given that I have attended these big library sales before, I generally know what to expect. There will be approximately 20,000 copies of Bob Woodward’s “Veil.” This is the kind of book that people use as building material. Nobody ever actually reads it, or buys it, or devotes more than half a neuron to thinking about it — but everyone at some point has owned it. I own a copy, though I don’t know how it got onto my bookshelf. I think it just formed there, like certain species of bacteria.
There will also be the complete works of Nora Roberts. People actually do read these books, though heaven knows why. I once attempted to read something by this woman. I don’t remember the title of the book, what the story was or if I finished it. At some point I just put it down and wandered off into the woods for a few days.
There will also be a table or two worth of books by Tom Clancy and John Grisham. Sometimes when I’m out there in the woods, I wonder how many trees have to die in order to keep these two authors in print. Entire rain forests have been wiped out just to keep “The Client” in bookstores, despite the fact that it does not contain one memorable sentence or a single original idea. I think it has come to the point where supermarkets are giving these books away with every purchase totaling more than $50. “Here are your groceries, receipt and complimentary copy of ‘Rainbow Six.’”
There will be good stuff as well. Pulp horror novels will appear in abundance, and I consume these by the dozen. I know you’re probably wondering what the difference is between these and the Nora Roberts pain-parade of cookie-cutter plots and fifth grade vocabulary words. The difference is that in Nora Roberts novels, the irritating, one-sided characters fall and love and lose themselves in sexual abandon, whereas in horror novels they are devoured by flesh-eating zombies. It’s much more satisfying.
So for the next few weeks, I’ll be wrapped in a glorious blanket of bibliohysteria. There will more than likely be a few zombies involved. And if I’m not careful, Bob Woodward.