It’s that time of the week again. You saunter down the stairs, yawning, with hair sticking in a variety of directions. You rub your eyes and grimace at the light streaming through the windows, cursing whatever class you have to attend that day. But, at least you have coffee and breakfast to look forward to right now.
After downing your first, maybe second cup of coffee, your stomach finally threatens to hurt you if something edible is not consumed. As a loud rumble echoes from your abdominal, you open the fridge door and look inside with horror. Nothing. Maybe a piece of turkey or an old bag of carrots silently taunt your hungry expression. Breathe, maybe this is one of those “open the fridge door and there is literally nothing to eat moments”. You try again, and again. Did that turkey grow hair?
Wait, what’s today? Oh s***, you were supposed to go to the grocery store two days ago. But, like most of us, you avoided it because the task is quite annoying. You either buy too much food and gawk at the register price, or forget important items and kick yourself when you get home.
Taco Bell and Qdoba dinners can last a few days, but eventually will send you running to the bathroom. Inevitably you will have to purchase food of some variety and here are thoughts that many of us share while trying to act like adults:
1. People are silently laughing because I’m pushing a grocery cart around:
With all the technological advances going on, is there really no new cart fashion coming out soon? I seriously run into everyone with this thing, and my keys keep falling through the holes. Can I just ride it across the parking lot?
2. I’m so hungry. Why did I come hungry? Maybe samples are around here somewhere:
Now everything looks good to eat. I’ll take that. This looks good. Oh! I’ve never tried this green thing, but it could be good with hot sauce. Everything is good with hot sauce. Can I buy all of aisle 3, please? Thank you.
3. Damn it, I forgot my list:
No big deal, I think I remember most of it. It definitely said: ice cream, fudge brownies and cookie dough. You know, for when I bake and stuff. I’ll buy some lettuce for a salad. That will balance it out. See mom? I can do adult things.
4. I really hope I don’t see “this” person:
If I see “so and so” I’ll never leave this store. I’ll be trapped here forever in small talk and idle chatter. But, I also really don’t want to see “other so and so” because how awkward would that be? We haven’t talked in ages and I’m not about to nod and smile as I grab toilet paper off the shelf. Get me out of here now.
5. Why does everyone look so depressed in here?
I wonder if I look sad… I’ll start smiling and be that person who makes someone’s day brighter. I think they just frowned harder at me. Okay, this is weird. Stopping now.
6. Did they just ask me what I’m doing here?
Oh I don’t know Sherlock, trying to find Waldo I guess. You’re welcome to join. I think I saw him around that corner. You should definitely go look.
7. Oh no. I have to buy that one thing that is so weird to carry around:
It’s okay. I’ll just get it at the end and hide it under all my other groceries. That way no one will know. I’m seriously on ninja level right now. Oh no. Eventually I will have to buy it, which leads to checkout, and that means the person at the register will have to touch it…Definitely going to keep my head down the entire time.
8. Why does the checkout person look so mad at me? Did I do something to you? They’re judging me right now. I like chocolate okay? It’s been a stressful week and I just want to go home and watch Netflix. Just don’t look at me.
Always remember that the stress from grocery stores affects us all. Happy shopping. Maybe you’ll find Waldo.