Several weeks ago, I wrote an open letter @@checked@@to James Cameron about his new release, “Titanic in 3D”.@@http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0120338/@@
In the column, I talked about how excited I was to see the movie. I reminisced about all the great times I had watching it through the years and how it played such a big part in the cultural fabric of my childhood. The film was my first taste of tragedy.
I couldn’t wait to see it in all its 3-D glory — and then I forgot all about it.
Work, school and general sunniness distracted me enough that I was busy from the release of the film all the way until last Tuesday, May 8, when, in a flash of panic, I remembered that “limited release” meant that it wasn’t going to be in theaters forever.
I jumped on Fandango, and sure enough, it wasn’t playing in Eugene anymore. Anywhere. I checked Springfield. Nothing.
Things were getting desperate. I couldn’t just not see the movie. I had been waiting 15 years to see “Titanic” on the big screen. I had wasted 18 column inches in the paper talking about it. I needed to see it.
Taking a deep breath, I widened my search. Perhaps a small theater was playing it in Corvallis? There was! But, oh crap, that was in regular 2-D. No way I was driving all the way to Beaver Country for that crap. Albany? Surely somewhere in Albany would be showing it. Nope. Not one theater.
This left only one option: Salem. Not only do I hate the “city” of Salem, I hate driving in it more than any other place (except perhaps Spokane). It’s grimy and sad, and I avoid it at all costs. But unfortunately, it may have been my only hope.
Sure enough, there was a small Regal Cinemas off I-5 still offering it in 3-D. The only showing left, ever, was at nine o’clock that night. I was so excited and grateful that I bought the ticket then and there. It ended up costing me 15 bucks, approximately twice as much as I paid for the DVD version. It was then I began to feel like this might not be my smartest idea.
But things would get worse. I asked around to see if anyone would be interested in driving over an hour to see a movie — one they’d seen dozens of times — at nine o’clock at night for $15 and oh yeah, could you chip in for gas? Much to my surprise and chagrin, there were no takers. Not my co-workers, not my friends, not any of my porn-bot Twitter followers.
I ended up driving to Salem. Alone. At night. To watch “Titanic in 3D.” By myself.
I tried to make the best of it. I laughed about my general lack of friends, the stupidly long drive, the $30 I spent filling my gas tank up less than halfway.@@lol@@ I consoled myself with the knowledge that someday this would make a good story. I was even (and this is really sad) excited I would finally have a pair of 3-D glasses of my own.
When I made it to Salem, I had about seven minutes to spare before the movie started. I had glanced at a map of where the theater was, but I figured a Regal Cinemas wouldn’t be that hard to find. I stumbled upon one in the general vicinity I was looking for and walked in, Fandango ticket in hand, concerned mostly about whether I picked up the 3-D glasses at the ticket office or whether they would be handing them out at the door of the theater.
When I walked in, not only did no one ever ask for my ticket, but they weren’t showing “Titanic in 3D” at all. I passed theater after theater playing “The Avengers,” but nothing about Jack and Rose. I flagged down a passing janitor, handed her my ticket and asked, pleadingly, “Am I in the right place?”
“Nope,” she said. Awesome. Perfect. My date night with myself was off to a rockin’ start.
Turns out I was about two miles from the theater I needed to go to, and on the way there I managed to get lost. Feel sorry for me yet?
I finally located the place (there were only four other cars in the parking lot — an ominous sign)@@lol@@ and hurried in. The man who took my ticket glanced at the time and said, “You know it started 20 minutes ago, right?” For some stupid reason, I go, “Yeah. Sorry I’m late.”@@lol@@ Like I need to apologize for being tardy to my own embarrassment.
Besides me, there was a group of three girls in the theater and a lone shady character who sat in the back row.@@lol@@ I made it just in time to see the end of the trailers, and then the main event began.
Having never seen a 3-D movie before, I didn’t realize how much of a strain they could be on the eyes.@@which, actually, has led to kids getting their eyes fucked up big time@@ I whipped out my regular eyeglasses and fashionably donned them before the 3-D glasses, creating my own form of bifocals I’m sure made me look like a prehistoric bug.
Seeing “Titanic” on the big screen, however, was much more poignant and emotional than seeing it on a computer screen. So I cried. Like, an excessive amount. An embarrassing amount. Not sobbing, but an overflow of tears that was just way too much.@@lmao@@ I cried for Jack. I cried for Rose. I cried for Fabrizio. And I cried for myself, because I was alone. At night. In Salem.
Talk about tragedy.