Disclaimer: This is a part of our satirical Shallot series. All content is unbelievably fake.
The Ducks are not used to a quiet offseason.
Two years ago, star quarterback Jeremiah Masoli was kicked off the team in March when he was accused of theft at a fraternity.
A year ago, the program had to deal with accusations of wrongdoings when a $25,000 payment to Texas-based recruiter Will Lyles was revealed.@@http://www2.registerguard.com/cms/index.php/opinions-on-sports/comments/25000-for-will-lyles-could-cost-150000-at-least-in-attorneys-fees/@@
Now, with the typical offseason business of possible coaching changes and player jumps to the NFL, the Ducks don’t know what to do with themselves in the relatively silent football siesta.
“Without controversy, practice and games, what do I have?” junior running back Kenjon Barner said with a long stare.@@http://www.goducks.com/ViewArticle.dbml?DB_OEM_ID=500&ATCLID=1550399@@
Of course, on Sunday night, the Oregon Twitterverse blew up as head coach Chip Kelly was revealed to be finalizing talks to sign a contract with the NFL’s Tampa Bay Buccaneers to replace their outgoing head coach. But then, Kelly, in a stunning turnaround, changed his mind after several papers had gone to press.
However, his motives were beyond returning for the sake of the program, as he revealed to the Shallot wire staff, in an out-of-character interview Monday.
“LaMichael gone was expected, Darron leaving was a little out-0f-the-ordinary, but nothing drove the conversation like has been the case the last couple years,” Kelly said. “I knew, right then, if the team was going to get back in the news in January, I was going to have to do it myself.”
“With Cliff Harris on the NFL market, what were my options?”
Bored and trying to find Oregon sports to fill its time, the team was brought together in time for a men’s basketball game against the UCLA Bruins last Saturday. Matthew Knight Arena officials said that the halftime Rose Bowl celebration was actually an unplanned event, organized on the spot when it became clear that all available members of the football team were going to be there.
“Effectively, we knew that morning the players would be in attendance when we were informed as such,” the athletic department sent in a press release after the game. “The players and coaches were not afforded speaking times, because it was an impromptu event.”