Fighting over the dishes. Fuming over a misplaced washcloth. Debating over the chores and who’s supposed to do what.
Ah, roommates.
Every student has heard at least one horror story about roommates, and many have their own personal tales to relate. Whether it’s on-campus or off-campus housing, there’s just something highly volatile about the idea of pushing together two or more college-aged people to share a confined space.
But sharing a room or home doesn’t have to mean silent resentment or open warfare. It’s possible to maintain a healthy, mutually beneficial environment. That doesn’t mean the challenges of having a roommate won’t continue to lurk around — but when they do crop up, it’s easier to address them when there’s a baseline of respect.
In order to both prevent and calm conflict, the chief advice echoes across the board: communicate.
Open, honest communication “is critical” in establishing a healthy roommate relationship, said Dr. Maria Aguirre, a senior staff psychologist at the University Health Center.
Instead of assuming that roommates know common sense rules such as being quiet when others are sleeping, “it’s important to be specific about what one another’s expectations are around house rules and norms, such as cleaning and paying bills,” Aguirre said.
Journalism student Ariel Gruver, 20, agrees that communication is key.
“If you can’t talk about your problems,” Gruver said, “it’s not going to go well.”
As the horror stories attest, though, not all roommates are on good enough terms to chat. Some roommates might simply ignore your presence, leaving you feeling like you’re Casper the Ghost wailing around. Others are perpetually in a state of hostility. And among the most frustrating are the ones who bobblehead their way through a discussion about “making changes around here” and then slip right back into their old habits.
“If a compromise cannot be reached regarding specific house rules (and) expectations, then it might be time to consider other options,” Aguirre said.
Those options could potentially include moving out, switching roommates or finding a mediator to address communication issues.
In defense of roommates, though, Gruver notes the financial advantage of sharing living costs and the company roommates provide — a sentiment echoed by Caitlin Leinen, a 20-year-old undeclared major, who said having a roommate makes it “less lonely … it’s definitely nice to come home and have someone else there.”
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