As the appeal of Oregon athletics and the University — in general — grows, many are jumping on the bandwagon and marking themselves as “Duck fans.”
However, many do not have the knowledge to call themselves true Oregon fans, yet. Just because they have watched LaMichael James run up and down a football field on ESPN a few times while they were in high school does not make them Duck fans right away.
There are several crimes against “real” Oregon fans that are committed with each incoming freshman class. To be fair, most freshmen know a good amount about Duck sports, but some are lacking bits of key Oregon sports information. Here are just a few identifications of early offenders so far this year.
Violation: Not knowing about Oregon Track and Field
Eugene may be well-known for football at the moment, but it has been dubbed “Track Town USA” for much longer. The University has a long-standing tradition of track and field excellence, and Hayward Field may be the most hallowed ground in track and field in the nation.
Sentence: Watch three track meets this year from the stands at Hayward Field. Then, race sophomore Mike Berry in the 400 meters: Being humiliated by a Pac-10 champion should be punishment enough for discounting his team.
Violation: Being unaware that Oregon has a baseball program
Yes, this may seem unfair to some considering the program has only been reinstated for about three years. However, the baseball team has had success in their short tenure back and has shown promise. They entered last season coming off an appearance in the regional round of the NCAA playoffs and were ranked in the top 10 before struggling through a disappointing season.
Head coach George Horton has won national championships in the past with Cal State Fullerton. He recruits some of the best baseball talent in the country, and the Diamond Ducks play in a stadium, PK Park, that many consider the nicest college facilities on the West Coast.
Sentence: Put on a fake mustache in honor of Horton, grab a hot dog and watch a baseball game from the stands at PK Park. If you catch a foul ball, you may leave early. If you drop a foul ball or catch it, but fail to find a cute child to give it too, you will be sentenced to an additional three games.
Violation: Not knowing who Phil Knight is
As shocking as it may seem to the Oregon faithful, there are some students who do not know who the man behind Nike is (not to mention the man behind the funding for about half the buildings on campus).
The man, the myth, the legend that is Phil Knight is the founder of Nike and is Oregon’s most famous alum. He has given more back to his school than anyone would have dreamed possible.
Personally, I suspect Knight as the person inside the Duck mascot uniform doing thousands of push-ups at the tender age of 73. As long as he is wearing Pro Combat material, that man can do anything.
Sentence: Though many may think automatic expulsion from the University is more appropriate, a slightly less severe punishment will be handed down.
You must first walk into the nearest Nike store and try on every single article of clothing or accessory you find, from shoes and socks to headbands and sunglasses. But this is no pleasure shopping spree; don’t purchase anything because you are not worthy yet.
After gaining an appreciation for what Uncle Phil has accomplished, you must return to campus and sprint through the Knight Library, around the Knight Law School and up the stairs inside Matthew Knight Arena. Lucky for you, the new athletic facilities near Autzen Stadium, which are being funded by Knight, have not been completed or properly named yet.