Story by Nina KaPow
Illustration by Bailey Meyers 
Welcome to the final week of summer classes! For all you people out there who have not spent their months of glorious sunshine studying physics or comparative literature, be warned: Eugene is about to be filled with people for whom summer is only just beginning. They will not be feeling the same dog-days fatigue that you will. And they will feel superior because they took summer classes, while you were out floating the river and catching the newest summer flick. It’s okay, slackers. This non-counselor-written, non-doctor-prescribed column serves as excellent distraction to those uppity scholars’ discussions in Starbucks.
Is it true that the best place to meet people is at bars? I’m a freshman, and I can’t (legally) go, so I feel like the best option’s going to be off limits for three years. —Just A “Cute Kid”
Whoever told you that only bars are good for meeting people was wrong, JACK. Bars are good places too meet people, yes. But they’re also the obvious option. Think about it: bars, especially those in college towns, are distilled tanks of sexuality. People dress up, dance to pulsating music, eat food designed to provide a lot of  short-term energy, and sip liquids that lower inhibitions. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out the logic.
But all in all, the Great Bar Myth is false. I’ve heard of people getting together while volunteering, coming to restaurants at the same time over and over, one person helping the other pick out a suit, riding the same bus, and—brace yourself— attending the same classes. This is actually one of the most common places college students meet other date-able people. So don’t lose hope, JACK. Just keep your eyes open.
My boyfriend has a study group going, and this straight girl in it keeps hitting on him. He just lets it happen. Should I say something to him about it? —The Other Guy
Okay, I’m going to work with what I have here, which isn’t much.
For one thing, you didn’t mention how long this study group has been going on. If it’s only for a four-week course, then your boyfriend might be letting the flirting go because he knows it’s probably not worth raising a stink over something that will end soon. On the other hand, if this course has been running all summer and he still hasn’t done anything about it, then there may be a problem. Secondly, how big is this group? If six or seven folks from the class are getting together to go over Italian verbs, that’s one thing. If it’s just three folks, or even the two of them together, that’s much different. So clarify the situation with him, first of all.
And thirdly, how do you know that this is going on period? Have you seen it in action? Is he telling you about it? If it’s the latter, it could be that your boyfriend is actually trying to make you jealous. Or he’s just relishing the attention, because above everything, flirting is giving attention to someone. It’s possible that your boyfriend, however wonderful he may be (and how much of a scumbag he may feel), just may be enjoying the attention he’s receiving by this girl. It’s possible that this is a completely innocent situation that he may not know how to handle himself.
I have a question about cross-dressing. Not a lot of it—just a little, like if I want to wear my guy friend’s sweatshirt. Or shirt. Or boxers and shirt and socks and everything.
I don’t want to switch over to being a guy, and I’m not even gay!!! Why do I want to wear guy clothes, then?? —Maybe A Little Tranny
Because guy clothes are comfortable. And stylish. And their sizing system is so much more consistent.
I can’t believe I have to say this yet another week, but calm down. Being slightly tranny (or even a full grown, fire-breathing tranny) says absolutely nothing about whom you’d prefer to have sex with. Nothing. Eddie Izzard has publicly identified himself as heterosexual, for Pete’s sake.
As for being transsexual, dressing in opposite-gender clothing can sometimes lead people down the path to the realization that they indentify more with one sex over another. But not always, MALT, and that’s the entire point. Everyone’s path is different. So just relax and enjoy the properly fitting pants.
Hey Nina, I read about the guy from last week who was complaining about the size of his penis. I have a similar question: Do girls ONLY go for guys with deep voices? I feel like being a tenor is totally screwing me. —Failing Faust
Did you just say tenor, Faust? As in the musical voice classification of tenor? Okay, if you’re a male singer in this golden age of On the Rocks, Justin Timberlake, and freaking Josh Groban, you will get laid, sir. Trust me on that one.
Okay, time for me to be nice now. Faust, every person has different preferences. Some people love mates with deeper voices because in this crazy American culture it gives an impression of strength. But you know what higher voices signify in American culture? Trustworthiness. Sensitivity. And usually a dash of politeness and gentlemanly grace thrown in. So just hang tight, Faust. A higher pitch doesn’t necessarily nix your chances.
What’s Ruffling Feathers This Week: Psychology Today reported that erectile dysfunction is becoming a growing problem for young men in their 20s and 30s. The accused culprit? Pornography. Apparently, being able to watch novel and sometimes just-plain-impossible sex scenarios at any time of day can fry the reward circuits in the brain over time. This means that for these afflicted men, sex au naturel just doesn’t induce the same physical effect as masturbating to porn. The good news? It’s 100% fixable. Reducing porn intake (or even cutting it off all together for a certain period) makes sensitivity come back over time.