There are many errors in Dr. Sol Gordon’s message, (“Love Doctor,” ODE 3/4) but I would like to address two of them in particular. One is his idea that the abstinence philosophy has made sex dirty. That is simply not the case.
Waiting until you’re married to have sex acknowledges the power, love and responsibility inherent in sex. It doesn’t diminish the beauty and pleasure in sex. That is done by the casual sex philosophy that is so prevalent today. It reduces sex to a biological urge that has some pleasant emotional side effects and can be engaged in by anyone with no responsibility or commitment required. And it does seem true that waiting does have positive effects on a marriage, despite his statement that “people say wait until you’re married and you’ll be happy, but that is not the case.”
Statistics show that you are less likely to get divorced, have health problems or have problems in your marriage if you wait until you are married to engage in sexual intercourse. The support for this is literally too numerous to list here.
Secondly, his statement that the majority of marriages before the age of 22 end in divorce is misleading. It is true that the divorce rate is higher among young marrieds, but considering the divorce rate is roughly one in two, it doesn’t take too much of a raise to say that the “majority” of marriages end in divorce.
This rate increase can be explained by, among other things, the “forced marriages” due to pregnancy or parental pressure, marrying to get out of an abusive family situation, and the complete lack of support that faces young married couples in particular and married couples as a whole.
How often have you heard “Well, I got divorced, but I was young,” as if young adults are incapable of making a marriage work, or as if age is an excuse for divorce?
Considering a couple “high risk” isn’t the best foundation for their marriage. When troubles come, the younger couple is often told “Well, you were young and you made a mistake, so move on,” instead of being encouraged to work though their problems.
In short, if you are looking for healthy relationship advice, and the truth about sex and marriage, you should probably look elsewhere.