When was the last time I extolled the virtues of mindless, horrific violence? It must have been weeks ago. I guess that’s a long enough wait, so it’s time for another horror movie roundup.
Sadly, the upcoming months look a little dry. There are so few major studio horror releases, and indie releases have such spotty distribution, that I’m almost tempted to throw in the towel and go budget shopping for DVDs. Anything with a picture of an exploding decomposed head on the cover would probably alleviate my addiction for a few days at least.
In fact, the movie theaters are so dry of blood-splattered horror that I might blow my whole meager paycheck on $10 zombie movies in order to keep me through the famine. The closest thing to horror this weekend is “Scary Movie 3,” which might cause my head to explode, while next weekend brings the “Alien” re-release. That’s fine and dandy, except that it’s Halloween and I kind of hoped for a more valiant effort from filmmakers, rather than just a pumped up version of a 25-year-old movie. Albeit a great one, but still.
During November, the closest thing to what I’m looking for is the release of “Gothika,” starring Halle Berry and Robert Downey Jr. It’s about a criminal psychologist who has an accident and wakes up in the same institution she worked in, accused of murder and believed to be insane. Nice and creepy, with some vengeful ghost thrown in for good measure. And it’s so difficult to resist Berry in a hospital gown.
The only other thing even close to the horror genre in November — and this is shooting pretty far afield — is “The Haunted Mansion,” starring that anti-Christ of family cinema, Eddie Murphy. Johnny Depp had the chops to pull off being in a movie based on a Disneyland ride, but something tells me that Murphy isn’t up to the task — something like “Showtime,” “The Adventures of Pluto Nash,” “I Spy” and “Daddy Day Care.”
After November, the dry spell really gets going. It lasts at least until March with the release of “Dawn of the Dead,” a remake of the 1978 film of the same name, which was one of the greatest, most grandiose horror films of all time. The director of the remake is a newcomer, the cast is decent and the writers have all done great work in the past. Plus there are zombies. Plus there is a shopping mall. Be still my beating heart.
There is one wild card in the deck I should keep in mind, that being “Bubba Ho-tep.” It’s a film about an aging Elvis Presley and a man who believes himself to be John F. Kennedy doing battle with an ancient Egyptian mummy. Can life be any better than this? Can one truly find salvation in a film starring Bruce Campbell? I think one can, assuming that said film was directed by “Phantasm” director Don Coscarelli and is based on a story by Joe R. Lansdale. The problem is that the film has only been released in a handful of theaters across the country, none of them within a hundred miles of me. But its growing popularity almost ensures a wider release at some point. Let us pray.
So why this obsessive fixation on horror cinema? Why this compulsive need to have frightening, bizarre visions presented to me on the screen? Maybe my mind — dulled by the constant bombardment of modern culture — needs to see the most extreme of visions in order have some sort of reaction. Maybe it’s my disgust with the moral and intellectual emptiness of the society around me that drives me away from so-called “normal” cinema. Maybe I just like to watch stupid characters die in really interesting ways. Whatever the reason, you can find me in the theater.