When University of Oregon seniors Lucy Menendez and Danielle Bonada attended Drink Wheel at Rennie’s Landing on March 13, they were prepared for an uneventful night. But after one AMF, the evening took a turn for the unexpected.
“I swear to god I’m not making this up,” Menendez said. “Five minutes after I finished my drink I started feeling this tingling sensation in my ears, and then all of a sudden I knew. I knew everything.”
By everything, she was referring to a sudden ability to perceive the unthinkable — other people’s thoughts. Menendez feared no one would believe her, but after a private conversation with Bonanda, she confirmed what she had expected: The two of them had briefly inherited the power to read minds.
Bonada said most of the thoughts were complimentary. “People kept telling me how beautiful I looked, but every time I said thank you they would just frown,” she said. “I knew something was really off when my friend Wallis Blivin looked at me and told me she hated my outfit. She’s usually so sweet.”
Since February, several reports have surfaced concerning the suspicious effects of consuming Rennie’s Drink Wheel cocktails. So far, the reports have been traced back to three drinks: the AMF, the Dirty Shirley and the Vodka Redbull.
Bonada and others have detailed the strange and sometimes superhuman symptoms they experienced upon consuming the drinks. After downing a Dirty Shirley at Drink Wheel on Feb. 13, UO senior Jack Skidmore reported experiencing feelings for his best friend that could only be described as infatuation.
“At first I just thought I was just feeling festive with Valentine’s Day being the next day,” Skidmore said. “But the feelings I was having…not normal.”
Skidmore’s friend Aidan Ramsthel had purchased the drink for him to make good on a debt, and Skidmore said just several minutes after he finished the drink he saw a sort of golden light following Ramsthel around the bar.
“It was like he could do no wrong,” Skidmore said. “The effects wore off by the next morning, but honestly, for a good five hours I thought I was in love with him.”
Other patrons have reported similar experiences, each of which occurred when a Dirty Shirley was purchased for them by a separate party. In fact, the reported effects for each of the three cocktails are consistent across the board — the AMF has been suspected to produce the ability to read minds, the Dirty Shirley seems to act as a love potion and the Vodka Redbull is causing perhaps the strangest effect of all: flight.
After one too many Vodka Redbulls at Drink Wheel, UO seniors Brooke Thalacker and Bella Lyon decided to leave their friends at the bar and call it a night. They were about to order an Uber when both had the strangest feeling that they wouldn’t be needing the service.
“I can’t describe it. I just knew if we jumped we would fly,” Lyon said. “So we walked across the street to Lillis — I had to be sure no one could see us.”
After scaling the building, Lyon and Thalacker launched themselves into the air with no hesitation, and low and behold, they flew. Red Bull truly does give you wings.
“I guess now I can really say I’m a Duck,” Thalacker said.
Police are currently investigating the potential dangers of the enhanced cocktails. But given the brief and seemingly harmless effects of the drinks, officials cannot justify shutting down the Drink Wheel until malice has been proven.
Disclaimer: All quotes and facts in this article are completely satarical and fake, in light of April Fools Day.
