Your shoelaces are tied, your shirt is buttoned and your credit card is in your back pocket, when suddenly your cellphone alerts you to a text: BING!
It’s a paragraph-long message from the person you were supposed to meet that day explaining why he or she has to cancel last-minute. The text is heartfelt, and the word “sorry” is listed at least twice. An excuse is given as to why your plans have to be rescheduled, which is followed by a meaningful intention about hanging out as soon as possible.
A friend, or possibly even a stranger said, “Hey, no offense but …”, and told you something almost insulting in disguise. Laughs are exchanged and the world continues to spin.
You ask a friend to grab an item from the store or at home. He amiably promises to retrieve the item and bring it to you at your next meeting. Upon arriving, a look of horror passes over their face as he realizes the item was forgotten. He tells you he forgot to write a reminder, and lost track of time.
We’ve all been these people at one point. I know I have, and sometimes my excuses were legitimate, as has been the case for many others. Nothing in life has or ever will be solidified. However, a majority of explanations also occur because things are easier said than done.
In each of these cases you are left with a couple of choices: you can tell them how you feel, or you can sugarcoat the truth. People frequently choose the latter. Why is it so difficult for us to be honest about when we feel let down?
In an article, psychologist Hank David writes, “But the question remains why this passivity is so widespread. One benefit it provides is that everybody gets to save face and, most of all, everyone is saved from the dreaded ‘C word’ – conflict.” While David is discussing the conundrum of never saying “no,” the concept is the same. No one wants to give somebody an excuse to be angry or miffed. People don’t want others to think ill of them, nor do they wish to hurt another’s feelings.
It’s not easy to tell a friend how you really feel when it might briefly cause offense. Then again, the right decisions are usually the hardest choices to make. When you choose to say, “that’s okay” or “no worries,” you are hurting yourself and the other individual because nothing helpful is occurring.
“Perhaps you have a bonafide conflict (or a bonafide stomach bug). But all too often, we’re just distracted, apathetic or tired, and looking for excuses to legitimize our laziness,” said psychologist Andrea Bonior in a Psychology Today article. 
Some excuses are real or caused by personal struggles. Others are given because it’s easier to remove yourself from the commitment. The saying “no offense” is thrown around like sand in the wind because it’s supposed to make the next phrase less agonizing to hear, and the recipient will probably laugh it off.
Confronting a friend about how you truly feel is difficult and frightening. In Forbes, Dr. Bill Dyment advises people to approach a flaky friend or offensive comment with kindness and specific examples. Show your acquaintance how what they did is affecting your friendship, but also demonstrate a willingness to listen to their reasoning. It is a two-way street. Calling them out in public, or blatantly saying that they’re wrong, will force them on the defensive and put both of you in awkward positions.
Conflict is natural and can help people grow and learn when used in the right situations. Don’t avoid it because you are afraid of what other people think. Stand up for yourself, and help your friend understand how you can both move forward together.

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Foster: The art of confrontation