Everybody needs to stop messing with my holiday. Everybody includes the following:
-Single people who get bitter and sad when Feb. 14 draws near.
-People who, on Feb. 15, are dejected because their significant others didn’t do enough the day before.
-Anyone who celebrates “singles awareness day.”
All of you need to reform your collective Valentine’s Day attitude.
Every year in early February, I become utterly confounded by the number of people who hate Valentine’s Day. The irony inherent in hating a holiday that celebrates love is almost too much to bear.
How can it be that I am the only one who appreciates the holiday for what it should be? I am the most perennially single human being I know, yet I love Valentine’s Day.
I therefore must embark on a quest to restore the name of this, the most misunderstood holiday. First and most importantly, Valentine’s Day is not about couples. Don’t make the fatal mistake that the rest of the sullen whiners make and feel left out, fallaciously assuming that you need a significant other to fully enjoy the holiday. The petulant killjoys who fall into this trap could not be more wrong.
Moping around and complaining about how your life is worthless because you’re single on Valentine’s Day is nothing but a slap in the face to everyone who gives even a little bit of a shit about you. You might as well send notes to your friends and family members saying “Dear, Friend’s name, although I appreciate everything you’ve done for me, it still isn’t enough to make me happy. Thanks for wasting your time. Love, your name.
I could not be more sick of the pathetic whiners I see who act like their happiness is at an end because they lack romantic attachments. If you actually believe that, you don’t deserve to be happy at all. There is absolutely no reason why people should be less happy on Valentine’s Day than they are on any of the other 364 or 365 days in the year. Also, I feel compelled to add that celebrating “singles awareness day” on Feb. 14, as if being single is some kind of medical condition that needs to be cured, serves only to make you more pathetic. Try a “single pride” parade instead.
Despite the despondent belief held by millions of single people that being half of a couple on Valentine’s Day ensures fulfillment, even being in a relationship doesn’t guarantee a good time on Feb. 14. Couples aren’t the biggest fans of Valentine’s Day either, but for a completely different set of equally bad reasons. The Valentine’s Day marketing machine dictates that every American in a romantic relationship must express his or her love with a purchased gift, the monetary value of which is directly proportional to how much love the giver actually holds in his or her heart.
Unfortunately, all this results in is a lot of high expectations that lead to even more disappointment when the “perfect” gift is not procured. If couples need expensive gifts to show their love, they must not love one another very much.
I therefore propose a new model for Valentine’s Day. This model will be based less on expectations of long-stemmed roses and being swept off one’s feet, and more on being happy for what we have and appreciating the people around us for the positive effects they have on our lives. A holiday that celebrates love should celebrate all kinds of love, not just the romantic sort. If people have trouble expressing their appreciation, I recommend parties, Valentines and candy. Instead of wallowing in self pity, try celebrating. I guarantee it makes for a better time.
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