In January, Oregon will be smoke-free. California is smoke-free. In July, all of England became smoke-free. Smoking cigarettes in public is not only increasingly illegal throughout the world; it has also been wretchedly mutated into a social taboo. All of this non-smoking rubbish might be “saving” lives, but it’s also deceptively killing the only facet of life that truly matters: The social life.
Say whatever you want about the health “hazards” of smoke, and second-hand smoke, cigarettes still make people look sexy and cool, and facilitate life-long bonds and friendships; the latter is of key interest. Smoking cigarettes is a tool not fully appreciated when it comes to making new friends and lovers. Even if you choose not to smoke because it’s “unhealthy” or “tastes and smells terrible,” or “turns your teeth yellow,” you should really consider some of the pros of smoking, pseudo-smoking, or supplying smoking apparatuses for others before you seal your lungs off from the greatest carbon monoxide subculture known to man.
Let me back-peddle for a second. The smoking of cigarettes itself is not the primary issue here. What matters most is that you are open to the “cig” community. For example, when you go out at night, simply carrying a disposable Bic lighter on your person dramatically increases the likelihood of meeting new and interesting people. I spent my summer in England and throughout Europe, and do you know what the best, most common icebreakers proved to be? “Hey, can I bum a cig?” or, “You got a light?”
Either of these two questions – properly and politely asked – surrounded me with foreign friends I never would have had without cigarettes and a lighter. In the dodgy end of Paris one night, four Parisian gents asked me for a light (which I had), and quickly identified my American accent. Nervous about what a pack of drunken Frenchman might do to a lone American at night, I quickly saved the potential beating and harassment by providing a Bic for their smoking pleasure. This lead to a conversation about good bars in the local area, where to meet French women, and their exuberance in discovering that I’m from the West Coast – which of course led to enthusiastic chants of “WESTSIIIIIIDE!” and the display of numerous gang signs. My lighting of their cigarettes was the catalyst for a 10-minute friendship that will never be forgotten.
But again, you don’t necessarily have to smoke to be a part of this wonderful community. Showing that you’re comfortable with second-hand smoke is reassuring and welcoming to smokers. Want to make more friends, non-smokers? Just carry a lighter! Offer your propane and fire to the needs of others. Trust me, your new smoking friend will feel an immediate and indestructible bond with you. If you really want to go the extra mile, buy a pack of universally accepted cigarettes (Camel or Marlboro Lights work best) to offer other people. This strategy is particularly beneficial when trying to meet members of the opposite sex at a bar, party, or other social function – and it’s going to be substantially cheaper than buying drinks.
But just supplying a smoker with their need to inhale isn’t always enough. Style counts, too. Make sure you have a cool, unique lighter, like a personally identifiable Zippo. I used to carry an Oakland Raiders Zippo before it got confiscated at the Nashville Airport. Currently, I rock a silver beauty I bought at the Grasshopper Café in Amsterdam. My roommates both sport fantastic Zippos; the non-smoking roommate owns the superior of the two, with an alligator-skinned, Russian KGB Zippo. That’s all he’ll ever need in case he needs to quickly make new, smoking friends. Style doesn’t end with lighters, though. You can earn some coveted “Brando” points if you carry pre-made, hand-rolled, filtered cigarettes in a custom vice box. However, putting manufactured smokes in the vice box is drastically lame, and those who do try to pull this stunt should be shunned relentlessly.
Ultimately, this hatred of cigarettes needs to end. Tolerance is something we pretend to promote in the good ol’ USA, but how can this be true when roughly one out of every seven Americans smoke? You might be missing out on 46 million potential friendships in America just because “smoking is bad.” Smoke if you want – it’s your choice – but not since the days of the Cro-Magnon man has the supplying of fire been so righteously cool.
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