When Nick Carter and a friend left a Florida bar bloody and beat up, it was obvious that they took the whole black & blue concept of ’99 a little too literally.
Backstreet Boys heartthrob and Dancing with the Stars season 21 runner-up Nick Carter can now add the title of Key West Bar Brawler to his résumé. On Wednesday night, Jan. 13, Carter was arrested and later charged with misdemeanor battery by Florida police after an altercation with bar staff. Carter and his friend Michael Rae Papayans were refused service and eventually asked to leave a Keys bar because of how intoxicated they were. Instead of being happy drunks and enjoying their time in Key West, the two felt the need to prove their toughness in a slap fight with two bar employees. Both men (babies) are said to appear in court next Thursday, Jan. 21.
A less-ratchet international heartthrob, our beloved POTUS, gave his final State of the Union address last week on Tuesday, Jan. 12. President Obama spoke a little bit on everything: from what he has done, what still needs to be done, who may take his place, who very well will not and a whole lot of idealism. Talk of improving the American education system came up, all the way from Pre-K to college. Energy efficiency and all the ways we could actually use solar and wind power were listed. Peace for all sans WWIII was proposed. Now, about everyone else in the room… VP Biden had the whole cool on the outside, screaming on the inside vibes going after he was given the task to work with scientists and find a cure for cancer, aka Mission Control. Kentucky clerk Kim Davis snuck her way in. Sen. Bernie Sanders gave the Internet something to have fun with. Our FLOTUS looked stunning as always, this time, in a marigold Neiman Marcus dress that sold out even before the end of Obama’s speech. And one of the seats next to Mrs. Obama was left empty to symbolize all of the deaths that have been caused by gun violence. Here’s the entire SOTU in case you missed it.

Oh, politics. You never seem to take a night off. This past week, we saw more GOP and Democratic debates where people talked over one another, threw all the low-blows possible and replaced polite nods with cold side-eyes and mad-dog stares. On Thursday night, Jan. 14, the Republican candidates forced their ways and their useless rhetoric into our homes, that is, minus Mrs. Silicon Valley and Dr. Maybe. Carly Fiorina and Sen. Rand Paul were demoted and couldn’t play with the big (stupid) kids anymore. On Sunday night, Jan. 17, the Democratic candidates graced our TV screens – all two of them were on their game. Could we all just agree that Gov. O’Malley has zero chances with going forward? He can misquote historical figures and be overly polite somewhere off camera. Sen. Sanders did seem to steal the spotlight in this fourth debate; however, my girl Hillary played defense in true varsity style. I’m with her.
Our own student-run governmental body made an interesting decision this week when ASUO senate approved a $15,000 request from the Students of the Indian Subcontinent group. The students of SIS asked for this much money in order to bring Hasan Minhaj to campus, a senior correspondent from The Daily Show. Was Aziz Ansari too busy with Masters of None? I personally have never seen Minhaj’s work in the past, but it seems like they believe he would be a worthy feature of the group’s cultural night. Aside from the $15K from student government, departments around campus are supporting the cause. I remember Maz Jobrani, a Persian-American comedian, was a huge hit when the Arab Student Association got him to come for Arabian Night last spring. Let’s see if Minhaj will live up to it.
One person who will always be loved by the UO community is Mr. (big balls) Chip Kelly. Well, family, he’s coming (closer to) home! After an unfortunate season with the Philadelphia Eagles this year, Chip Kelly has been hired on as the San Francisco 49ers’ new head coach in a four-year deal worth a whopping $24 million. I guess getting fired isn’t all that bad in the NFL. The open position with the Niners was going to be filled by either Mike Shanahan, head coach of the Washington Redskins, or our Chippy, and it seems like the latter got to the Craigslist job listing first.