Ah, the world of reality television. Another year goes by, another network hunts down some of America’s, er, less intelligent citizens and exploits their usually grave personality defects for the masses. Typically, the masses don’t immediately realize that what they are watching is often a sad misrepresentation of — drumroll — reality.
Of course, the subject of criticizing reality shows has itself inched toward the cliché. It’s common for the media to brutally question whether Ruben really deserved to be an American Idol, or why Nikki McKibbin, the worst catastrophe in music since Hanson, wasn’t ditched sooner.
Yes, that’s about as heavy as it gets.
Our reasoning for joining the fray and weighing in on this entertainment phenomenon is the devastating “reality” that viewers will have to watch reruns of Jessica Simpson making a complete idiot of herself. The season finale for MTV’s “Newlyweds: Nick and Jessica” — which features millionaires Jessica “Are buffalo wings made of buffaloes?” Simpson and her new husband, Nick Lachey — aired Tuesday, and all those people who weren’t in on the joke will cry because the show’s intense drama
and exploration of the human pathos will end. That is, until next season.
But the show is not unique. E! Entertainment already used the idea of exploiting moronic celebrities when it gave us “The Anna Nicole Show,” wherein Anna Nicole Smith slaps a permanent “poor me” look on her face and flounces around the most gaudily decorated house ever constructed.
“Newlyweds” has basically the same premise except for a few extremely key details: Jessica Simpson can’t do her laundry, she can’t take out the trash and she thinks chickens swim in the sea.
But what about “Survivor,” the popular reality show that helped spark the craze on major networks? We think after seven seasons the American people are generally convinced you can pretty much live through anything. “Survivor: Pulau Tiga,” “The Australian Outback,” “Africa,” “Marquesas,” “Thailand,” “The Amazon” and “Pearl Islands.” Soon we’ll see “Survivor: R. Kelly’s House” or “Survivor: Oregon University System,” where students brave deep state budget gaps and class cuts while dodging Department of Public Safety vehicles as they attempt to graduate.
That would be our reality. Trying not to get voted off a show based solely on how fake you can be as a person, sadly, is not.
Possibly the most amazing thing about reality shows, however, is their audience. Basically, the bizarre genre of reality television draws two sorts of nuts: those who laugh and those who dream. The laughers religiously pursue the shows purely for their humor and debate for weeks about just how in the hell the network managed to get anybody more dimwitted than the last show’s sorry lot of miscreants. The dreamers, on the other hand, not only pursue the shows, but fervently incorporate them into every aspect of their lifestyle, constantly hoping that, someday, they too might have the opportunity be duped by a plumber. Hence, a new American dream is born — white picket fences are out, going to an island with dozens of beautiful women and trying to overcome the temptation to cheat on your girlfriend is in.
See you next season, Jessica.