Ever wonder how to get out of doing laundry? Score free drinks when your pockets are empty? Receive an undeserved extension on a paper?
Well, “The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: College” is chock-full of solutions to these common college disasters — but take them with a grain of salt.
The handbook is a half-joking, half-serious guide to on-campus catastrophes, from creating the illusion of a larger room to telling your parents you’ve been expelled. It covers school selection, dorm life, eating, dating, medical emergencies, academics and, of course, the dire consequences of over-partying. Helpful hints (use club soda to remove a red wine stain) balance out the many silly suggestions (start a choking fit to avoid answering a question in class).
As pure reading material, the guide provides a refreshing humorous mock of the pseudo-world we call college. Situations reminiscent of the film “Animal House,” such as gross greek system initiation rituals and inedible cafeteria food, appear in the book, reminding us that making fun of our college lives is one way to cope with our traumas. College is stereotyped as a place to party despite poor conditions, and the images the handbook describes are worth laughing about. It also encourages readers to give thanks for the advantages their colleges offer. But your residence hall toilet seats probably aren’t so repulsive that they would need children’s life preservers as covers, as the book suggests.

Illustrations in the book help readers visualize the solutions, which are often intangible and hilarious. A drawing of a party-damaged room, with holes in the wall and a torn sofa, is shown to be easily repaired with strategically placed hanging pictures and duct tape. If only it were really that easy.
Not only is the guidebook a riot, but it provides some tips you might actually use. An extensive section is devoted to opening a bottle without an opener. Dorm room decorating instructions are offered for students on a budget (building a chair out of a milk crate and making a curtain out of old T-shirts). It even offers nutritional information, although the calorie contents of certain foods are given in their equivalence to mugs of beer.
Truthful tips cross the line, however, when the book describes medical emergencies, because joke books should not give advice on serious situations. Consult a medical expert before taking the handbook’s advice on saving a man from drowning or helping someone with a dart lodged in their neck.
From the useful (consume peppermint candy to make it through an all-nighter) to the ridiculous (drive your convertible through a car wash with your dirty clothes on the back seat to do your laundry), “The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: College” contains amusing and memorable suggestions. It’s a great addition to any student’s bookshelf as a consultant or just a goofy homage to college life. But students need to decide if the slightly steep price of $14.95 is worth paying for about an hour’s worth of reading jokes.