Maddy who? Eddy what?
Oh, right, our student leaders. Those guys.
Well, until today, anyway. It’s been a year since the pair took office — a doozy, really — and today is the last day of their reign. Of terror.
Did we say that out loud?

A quick recap of the past year, from start to finish: Questionable campaign accounting, alleged assault and criminal mischief charges, violation of ASUO constitutional duties (resulting in the ASUO Constitution Court chief justice calling Melton unfit for office), gross mismanagement of incidental fees, nonlinear justifications for Executive recommendations and conflicts of interest galore! But don’t forget the traditional we-didn’t-get-a-damn-thing-done routine.
For reader convenience, let’s review some of ASUO President Maddy Melton and ASUO Vice President Eddy Morales’ campaign goals:
* In an April 1, 2003, interview, Melton and Morales said their “legislative goal is to keep — would be to keep education accessible for all.” Right. Meanwhile, tuition continues to rise — every year. Perhaps the power to change it is out of their hands?
* Increasing student representation on decision-making bodies: Here’s an idea, why not make a campaign goal that isn’t already one of the executive duties mandated in the ASUO Constitution? According to Section 5.2 of said Constitution: “The President shall nominate to the President of the University, upon recommendation from the ASUO Committee on Committees, members to the student-faculty committees, appoint members to executive, administrative and ASUO student committees, and make all other appointments to positions deemed necessary.” This goal is, therefore, a self-fulfilling prophecy.
* Changing the University Housing contract to … oh, does it really matter? They abandoned that goal a long time ago. To their credit, the housing-code issue replaced it and, imagine this, has made it to the business-friendly Eugene City Council. Good luck there.
* Advocating for law and graduate students. In the same April 1, 2003, interview, Morales stated that the campaign’s third goal was to “build stronger ties with our post-undergraduate students.” How did Melton accomplish this? She appointed Stephanie Day to the ASUO Elections Board, an official who subsequently tried to schedule ASUO elections during the School of Law’s Dead Week — not once but twice.
Let’s not get ahead of ourselves, here. We should give credit where credit’s due. On Nov. 14, Melton and Morales picked up some cigarette butts on the grounds around the Knight Library. Great job, guys!
Moving right along to the big scandal of the year — the Taylor’s fiasco — we promise we won’t make any inappropriate and tasteless jokes about that whole Eddy thing. We really wouldn’t want to “drag” his reputation into the gutter.
Damn! Okay, seriously, no more of that! He’s really been through enough without us “smashing” his credibility onto the ground.
Ahhh! We better get off this topic, before someone accuses us of “assaulting” his character, which could really get us into some “criminal mischief.”
Screw it. Let’s talk about the ASUO Programs Finance Committee budget process. Wow, that whole affair was enough to make us need a drink or 10. But there is one aspect of the process that we would like to discuss publicly, just for the sake of full disclosure.
Far be it from us to accuse Morales of being biased as he prepared the Executive recommendations for how much money PFC-funded groups should receive, but did we mention the Emerald’s budget was the only one out of more than 125 to be vetoed? Or that the Emerald was never notified of said veto until a PFC member informed the Emerald management 10 minutes before the veto hearing? Or that the Emerald’s budget was also used as the Executive’s justification for recommending that the ASUO Student Senate reject all student group budgets?
See, many of the Executive’s failures could have been remedied with a little thing called accountability. For instance, why didn’t Morales recuse himself from working on the Emerald’s budget when the paper was investigating and publishing stories about his alleged assault of a female constituent? Why didn’t he at least acknowledge his conflict of interest? For that matter, why did he not publicly recuse himself from the ASUO Legal Services budget — the very same services that were providing his legal counsel for the charges against him?
Most hilariously, Morales and his chum-in-budgeting, Mike Martell, argued to cut the Emerald’s funding because people who live off-campus could potentially pick up the paper, and thus student fees would go toward a product not exclusively benefiting students.
But just weeks before, Morales and Martell recommended an increase in OSPIRG’s budget, which has been using student money for years and is supposedly cleaning up the Willamette River. The Willamette River, if anybody is unfamiliar, stretches from West Central Oregon to Portland. Unless the campus has expanded several hundred miles while we weren’t looking, that river is indeed off-campus.
Hypocritical? Driven by narrow agendas? Just clueless? Hard to say.
But no hard feelings. We’re just disappointed that up-and-coming leaders such as yourselves could be so blatantly unprofessional. So farewell, and don’t let the cold, hard door hit y’all in your asses on your way out.