Off the Crossbar
I walked out of McArthur Court in shock after the Civil War volleyball match Sept. 24.
Pardon my cheesy cliché, but an Oregon star has fallen.
Surely, you die-hard volleyball fans already know that Lauren Westendorf had her season come to an abrupt end after making the extra effort for a wide set on the right side. She was in the midst of having the most productive season of her career until her right knee hit the referee stand.
The team now finds itself in a bind.
As I sat in my living room the next day, contorted in my typical couch potato form, an analogy popped into my head. It compared the similarities between the Tanner family, of the syndicated television show “Full House,” and the Ducks, who are running on empty when it comes to leadership and experience.
Follow me? “Can you dig it?” Stick with me for a second as we venture into my twisted mind that thinks those shoes with lights in the heels are still cool.
The Tanners lost their mother, a major component of the family. The Ducks lost Westendorf, the foundation of their attack and a leader on the team.
Playing the character of Danny Tanner, the father, is libero Katie O’Neil. She now has to assume the “head of household” role as the only remaining active senior on the squad. O’Neil is the composed and calm leader.
Sorry Katie, I assure you that’s the only time you and Bob Saget’s character will ever be mentioned in the same sentence.
Uncle Joey dedicated his life to being a goofball for the benefit of the family. In the same way, sophomore outside hitter Sarah Mason provides visible intensity on the court to keep her team awake, but more importantly, motivated.
“Cut — it — out.”
Want another ridiculously simple quote?
“Have mercy.”
Kelly Russell shows no mercy on the court. She always has a way to take care of business efficiently. Her service approach might require a side-step to the right, but she most often delivers with a smooth serve to get the job done. The suave, quiet Uncle Jesse felt successful when he adapted the impersonation of Elvis, which was also a good tool for calming three young females. The comparisons end there, if you would even consider that to be a comparison.
I’ve cast sophomore Heather Madison as D.J. Tanner, the oldest daughter. Age has nothing to do with this decision, but control and knowledge of the game might. Sisterhood can be a game at times, right ladies? As the team’s starting setter, Madison seems to be the big sister on the court, who can assist others in many ways.
Kristen Bitter connected perfectly to Stephanie Tanner; look, I have proof! Bitter is a middle blocker and Stephanie is the middle child. Not only that, but Kristen always seems to be in the right place at the right time. Stephanie always seemed to receive some sort of false praise or see somebody commit a crime.
Last, but not least, is the role that catapulted the careers of Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen and kept this sitcom’s boat afloat. Let’s use that talented sophomore middle blocker that racked up 13 kills in her
three-game audition last week.
Congratulations Erin Little, as a steady part of the attacking rotation, you keep the show rolling and heck, you now have a chance to improve the ratings. So are you in?
“You got it, dude.”
Now who is going to play Kimmy Gibbler? How about every one of Oregon’s opponents? Makes perfect sense to me.
But this season, the Ducks are going to have to be the annoying girl knocking on her neighbors’ door that gets in and steals their sanity.
I am once again in a state of shock.
Believe me folks, I tried to work with a “Saved By The Bell” model instead, but I couldn’t figure out who would portray Screech. Stay tuned, I’ll figure it out.
