Do you love laser tag? Sure, who doesn’t?

Well, you may just have a chance to be a Division I athlete after all. The University of Oregon is adding collegiate laser tag to its athletic department in winter of 2025, a press release from April 1 says. 

As the generation that grew up playing and loving laser tag continues to go through colleges across the country, a push for laser tag to become a collegiate sport has reached a successful conclusion.

Oregon is set to join the “Coastal Conference,” which will be one of two major laser tag conferences this coming winter. The bizarre conference alignment has grouped all teams on any coast (yes, East or West) into one conference with all other schools in the other. 

The Coastal Conference will consist of eight universities: Oregon, Clemson University, UCLA, Florida State University, Seattle University, Georgia Institute of Technology, University of Hawaii and Louisiana State University. 

The “Landlocked Conference” also boasts eight elite universities: Colorado University; Kansas State University; University of Toledo; University of Nevada, Las Vegas; Middle Tennessee State University; University of Arkansas; South Dakota State University and University of Iowa. 

The season, classified as a winter sport, will take place across the span of four months — November through February. Each team will compete in 12 matches in their season. While Oregon’s schedule is yet to be finalized, the Ducks will compete against each team in the Coastal Conference as well as five from the Landlocked Conference. 

Each match will consist of a best-of-nine format with each game lasting 10 minutes. Home teams are expected to have a considerable advantage over their opponents as they’ll know the layout of their arena in advance of each competition. 

The University of Oregon is expected to break ground on a new arena later this month. It’s expected that one of the turf fields outside of Hayward Field will be renovated to create a state-of-the-art laser tag arena. The arena will hold up to 2,000 fans, and students will be able to purchase tickets through their GoDucks app. 

The team will consist of 20 members: 10 males and 10 females as to not offset Title IX. Each member of the team is expected to play in every contest as substituting at least three players will be mandatory between each round of match play. 

So, grab your blaster and be ready for tryouts, which are expected to be held in Lawrence Hall in early May. 

This is, of course, an April Fool’s Day article. Laser tag, unfortunately, isn’t a Division I sport…yet. However, if you’d like to read more about actual teams that the University of Oregon boasts, we recommend checking out the sports section of the Daily Emerald. 

Disclaimer: All quotes and facts in this article are completely satirical and fake, in light of April Fools Day.