Opinion: Parents moving after their children leave for college is not as perfect as it seems.
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When I thought of what the word “home” meant to me in August 2021, I thought of my house in California. The house I laughed in, lived in and worked in for 18 years. It was the only house — and home — I had ever known.

As of late September that same year, I still considered my home to be my house. Even though I packed many of my belongings and drove eight hours away to live in a new state for college, it still felt like a vacation. When I thought of the word “home,” I still pictured my childhood bedroom, and knew I could always come back to it.

But then things got complicated.

As the months carried on and I spent longer stretches away from my home, my definition of the word changed. No longer was it the place I spent the most time, nor the place I slept every night. Now, it was the place I would return to after spending exciting but hectic months away. 

My house was still my safe haven, but in a dramatically new way. After a COVID-19 scare that had me spending Thanksgiving at a friend’s house in Portland, I wasn’t able to return home until winter break. Though I was having a great time at school, none of the new people I met knew me like my old friends and family, and it was refreshing to finally be back with them.

However, I started to grapple with the idea that things might be changing. I was made aware that my parents were getting serious about the thought of moving, and my definition of home was thrown into a tailspin.

It’s just one example of the classic post-high school move: kid graduates and parents get out of their house as quickly as possible. There are, of course, a variety of reasons why families make this choice, from financial to personal motivations; however, we’ve all heard the reasoning behind moving after graduation specifically.

It’s “the perfect time,” it “makes the most sense” and it’s “the easiest for everyone” seems to be plastered on billboards the way it’s so widely accepted. The thought is that because so much change is already happening, one more thing shouldn’t be that much more difficult. It’s seen as common sense. Now that the child won’t really be living in the house, it shouldn’t matter where their parents are.

I now realize how flawed that logic can actually be.

During fall term, the knowledge that home was always waiting for me allowed me to experience new things. It was alright to branch out and make new friends, because I could always see my old ones over breaks. It was alright that I had decided to go out of state to try something new, because I could come back when needed.

Since my parents officially decided to move, I’ve had a whole different outlook. My home has an expiration date, and there’s nothing I can do about it. 

Over Spring break, I returned to California to a staged house that I had to vacate at various points during the week so tours could occur. This summer I’ll be home for all of one week before being forced to say goodbye to my childhood home.

I do acknowledge that much has changed since the end of 2021. The relief of coming back to a place where I feel understood is not as dramatic anymore. I have made some incredible friends since then; ones that I will struggle to say goodbye to in the coming days. I’ve become a part of the University of Oregon community, involving myself in extracurricular activities and immersing myself in the culture of the “dirty Eug.” 

But that doesn’t mean I’m ready to give up what I knew for 18 years. 

Let’s contextualize things a little further. Though I’ll be back in Eugene in the fall, my attempts to make my dorm feel like a semblance of a home will be lost. I won’t be returning to that room. I’ll be living in yet another location: my first apartment. 

Beyond that, I’ll start school with the knowledge that I won’t have somewhere to return to — or at least not somewhere I’m familiar or comfortable with. This may seem like a small issue, but it’s an important one.

I know this is far from a new or unique problem. Families move all the time, and I’m not the first 18-year-old to be sentimental about a childhood home or struggle with figuring out where I belong. And I know the actual house or place that I live in isn’t as important as the people that live in it. I am not ungrateful for my family’s financial ability to move.

That being said, blindly adopting the mentality that says freshman year is an easy time to relocate is harmful for all. It can lead to the dismissal of any negative emotions about the situation, inhibiting healthy familial conversations. When emotions are seen as obstacles rather than valid factors, it makes it difficult to move on.

No pun intended.
There is a ridiculous amount of change that happens pre-, post- and throughout the first year of college, and students’ concept of home is often challenged for the first time. We must stop framing the choice to move at this point as something easy to adapt to, because — quite frankly — it’s not.

Now, as I prepare to leave Eugene for the summer and enter life in my new house, I can’t help but ask myself: where is home?