Dearest Taylor,
I have been hanging out with a guy I met on Tinder for the past week. The first day we watched a movie, the second we just laid together for a while and the third we just talked for hours until he read me a poem and held my hand as he walked me back to my dorm room.
We had communicated that we would hang out this weekend. I gave him his space and didn’t text him or communicate with him until I texted him Saturday night.
He hasn’t responded. I know he is busy, as am I, but I find it troubling that he didn’t tell me that we couldn’t hang out this weekend and isn’t making any move to hang out any time soon.
I just don’t know what to do, Taylor. I have listened to Joshua Radin’s “I’d Rather Be With You” probably a million times over, wishing his hand was tangled with mine again. What would you recommend I do? Should I wait in this empty silence until his voice fills it again?
-Lolita Van Dyne
Dear Lolita,
Meeting truly worthwhile people on Tinder is nearly impossible, since almost every user is on there for a slightly different reason. If you are hoping for more than a hook-up, you may be looking in the wrong place. Tinder is used for three things: booty calls, party invites and free dinners. Nonetheless, you have succeeded in finding a match that suits your needs. Or so it seems.
Keep in mind, this guy is still a stranger. How you initially judged his character might not be fair, and you shouldn’t get too attached to the idolized version of him that you found on an app. Tinder is the perfect place to hide your flaws and you may be seeing him through rose-tinted lenses.
Kudos, though! You actually went on a Tinder date. And that takes guts. It comes with an expectation that there will be more than just talking and holding hands. Your persistence in taking things slow with a Tinder boy is admirable to say the least.
If you haven’t misjudged him, you scored in the scheme of swiping right. Aside from his recent absence, you seem to have stumbled upon someone who isn’t entirely a waste of time. If you went on multiple dates without succumbing to the urge of Tinder’s intended purpose, he probably actually likes you for you, which – again – is hard to come by on Tinder.
Don’t doubt your connection so quickly. You may be over-analyzing the situation. It’s a busy time of year and he’s only been off the grid for a weekend. In terms of a new relationship, that’s nothing to be worried about. He may have been preoccupied. Aren’t we all suffering through the tail end of the term?
New relationships require a lot of patience. Don’t give up on him yet. Try following up with fairly immediate plans. Send him a text offering company for an evening study session or to buy him coffee at Common Grounds. No one could resist that!
If you get no response, don’t get too worked up about it. The relationship is too new for so much worry and heartache. Keep yourself busy if it bothers you often and don’t dwell on it if it doesn’t work out.
Besides, you have plenty of other matches to choose from.
Best,
T