Well, there’s not much news this week. I guess that’s not true. What I mean is no news that I could write a whole column on. I can sum up my opinion on all the big stories of the week in one word.
Philippine mudslide: tragic.
Selling American ports to the United Arab Emirates: stupid.
Condoleezza Rice asking for $75 million for a pro-American propaganda campaign in Iran: futile.
It’s times like this that I start wondering what other newspaper writers talk about when the news is slow. I mean, reporters can’t write hard-hitting news stories if there is nothing to hit hard. It’s difficult to give thoughtful analysis to stories where the facts are so in-your-face. And we all need a break now and then anyway. Plus, reading soft stories can open your mind.
So here is a very informal survey of some of the filler stories I have seen recently. Each one of them made me smile and think a little.
“Cold: Official low for Meacham was 31 below zero,” The Oregonian, Feb. 18. Journalist Richard Cockle takes the front-page story that it’s cold in Oregon in February one daring step further. He travels to the mountain town of Meacham, Ore., population 13, and talks to resident Jeanne Swartout about – what else? – the weather. Conveniently, official weather records are spotty for Meacham, so Swartout entertains Cockle with tall tales he is unable to verify. Apparently one day, nobody remembers exactly which day, in 1920s, the temperature got down to 62 below. No way it was that cold. In fact, it’s even colder than the official lowest temperature record for Oregon, which went to the town of Seneca on Feb. 10, 1933 at 54 below, according to the article. I get the feeling Cockle left out the part of his interview where Swartout insists that everyone in Meacham still walks uphill in the snow both ways wherever they go. But by far the best part of this article, other than imagining the thought process and travel that took Cockle took to Meacham, was Swartout’s claim that back in the ’80s she left a steaming cup of coffee in her kitchen, only to return to find it frozen solid. I just laughed again when I read that. If everything she said is true, then Cockle is my new professional idol and Swartout is the coolest lady I have ever heard of.
“They’re Building in Baja and Boomers are Buying,” Los Angeles Times, Feb. 21. The headline is pretty much the best I have ever read. The story Evelyn Iritani writes is equally full of the kind of colorful language that would get you an A on any creative writing paper. The article starts out describing a high-rise tower in Rosarito Mexico as “an empty shell, a stark reminder of oceanfront dreams gone sour.” But then something wonderful happened. The Baby Boomers came! The story goes on to explain that Boomers with empty nests and extra cash from selling those nests in such a hot market have been snapping up condos in northern Baja. Basically, they are moving to the places where their newly college-age kids have traditionally gone to party. Once again, Mom and Dad have found a way to totally de-cool something. According to Iritani, purchasers aren’t just the vividly described “aging surfers seeking beachfront shacks or Midwest retirees fleeing snow in their Winnebagos.” Baby Boomers are spending upwards of $300,000 for condos and homes to live in full time. Basically, Iritani convinced her editor to send her to a resort town in Mexico so she could write a story about cashing in on overpriced house and living the American Dream – in Mexico. She may just beat out Cockle for professional idol.
And finally, we turn to CNN. With 24 hours of content to produce and only one Anderson Cooper, I understand that often the Cable News Network struggles for good stories. But now it is just making stuff up. In the technology section of cnn.com, what looks like a link to a story called “Thinking Ahead” is actually a request for story ideas from readers. CNN wants to know how future technology could make our lives easier. The survey instructs us to first look into our crystal ball and then make sure that whatever it was that we saw can be categorized in their convenient drop-down menu. What happens if you think outside the (menu) box is unclear. The form then asks for an e-mail, or if you really want to be cool, it suggests you “use your video camera and tell (your idea) ‘in person.’” OK, sending in a tape of yourself is exactly not in person, but whatever. It gets better. CNN promises that the Welcome to the Future Team will then explore the future and tell you if your dreams will or will not come true. You may even be contacted for the upcoming special.
All right, that does it. When I graduate in June I am going to work for the CNN Welcome to the Future Team. I know this because I looked into my crystal ball and under the Entertainment section of my drop-down prophecy, there was me, reporting on the future. I was actually getting paid to talk about things that have not happened and wearing a silver jumpsuit. I become my own journalistic idol.

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