When throwing a Super Bowl party, pleasing your guests comes down to pretty much one thing: food. Loads of food – and a TV, but that goes without saying.
I’m talking about chips, dip, chili, quesadillas, hot dogs, beer, soda and maybe (and I stress maybe) a veggie platter with ranch dressing.
Here are nine essential guidelines for hosts:
1) No utensils: 99 percent of the food you serve should not require anything more than two fingers to eat. It should also be dip-able. The exception to this rule is chili, which can be eaten with a spoon (nicely blunt to prevent any serious injury to inebriated party guests) or slurped from a mug.
2) Ranch it: Virtually any foodstuff is made exponentially better in the mind of a Super Bowl party-goer with the addition of a bowl of tangy ranch dressing for dipping.
3) Add cheese and melt: Buy a 50-pound bag of shredded cheddar at Costco. Do those chips seem a little dry? Add cheese and melt. Is that broccoli from the veggie platter languishing despite the ranch dressing? Add cheese and melt.
4) Fry it: Anything fried will taste delicious. May I present Exhibit A, T.G.I. Friday’s newest flavor sensation – fried, breaded green beans. Yes. I’m serious. These “crunchy and crisp battered green beans with a cool creamy Cucumber-Wasabi Ranch dip,” are, according to the chain’s Web site, “addictive.”
5) Think about frying that cheese: Do I need to explain why two plus two equals four? Deep fried cheese is a particular delicacy made only more delectable by the festive nature of Super Bowl Sunday. Dip your fried cheese in ranch dressing for extra points.
6) Green is overrated: Super Bowl Sunday is the one day of the year that it’s permissible, nay, expected that your food groups should consist of fat, sugar, starch and beer. Broccoli (as previously noted) is a difficult sell, unless coated in fat. Spinach and artichoke dip doesn’t really need the spinach anyway. Avoid salads at all costs, this includes coleslaw, but not its starchier cousin, potato salad.
7) Ethnic food need not be too ethnic: Although you may be planning to make such south-of-the-border favorites as nachos, burritos or quesadillas, don’t worry about authenticity. As long as it’s extra spicy, it won’t matter that you used carrots. If you forgot to pick-up a gallon-size Tabasco sauce bottle at Costco during your cheese run, see rule Nos. 1 and 2.
8) No food is too messy: Unshelled peanuts are a perfect example of a messy food that is perfect for your Super Bowl fiesta. Throw the discarded husks on the floor for a festive “anything goes” atmosphere. Unshelled sunflower seeds are an acceptable substitute.
9) Don’t take any of this advice seriously. Seriously.
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