I am man.
As a man, I wake up in the morning with an aesthetically motivated option: I choose to shave my face or to go grizzly bear. This option has been designated by gender. Whether or not I choose to shave, society won’t judge.
Man’s aesthetic and personal brand is shaped by this matutinal decision. I am not woman. I am man.
Women do not wake up in the morning with the luxurious option of re-branding themselves via facial hair. Women, on weekly occasion, spend inordinate amounts of time in the bathtub shaving various parts of their body.
These parts of their body have been socially designated as shave or no-shave spots. Natural selection has spoken via socially constructed norms. Natural. That’s right, it’s natural. Kind of like organic, but minus the green marketing bullshit.
Hipster girls deal with hair a bit differently.
Hmm, what’s that under your arm? Looks like a little fuzzy pube patch. Oh, don’t shave your armpits, huh?
Mmm, icky, yo.
Oh, it’s just cause you’re a lazy trust-funder, huh?
No? Oh, so you’re the walking organic feminist meme? Mmm, I see. How post-ironic.
This unsightly phenomenon is undoubtedly a fusion of the hipster and hippie lifestyles, something that seems to continually define the Oregon hipster. Not to say that these “free-spirited” sorts haven’t appeared in as far-flung spots as Pilsen, Ill., Chicago or Brooklyn, but neglecting personal hygiene and opting for a more natural or organic personal vibe finds its roots with those dirty hippies.
Once again our demographic of up-and-coming youngsters has ripped off another subculture of the dirty, earthen, diggity-dank hippy. Unfortunately, this hipster-contrived look is replacing those nice, natural, soily vibes with a Kraft plastic cheese one.
I think everyone who has observed those wispy hair ends hanging out of a girl’s pit area as she reposes outside the Wandering Goat knows what’s up. I think just about everyone “gets it.” I think just about everyone except hipsters “get it.” But trying to mix your feminist vibes with some naturalistic hippie vibe is just a horrible rip-off.
There’s an inherent trade-off in choosing to grow your pit hair out as a woman. You either sacrifice statement for hygiene, social acceptance and mainstream love, or forego it all for sweat, odor and a progressive and decidedly more butch appearance.
It kind of really isn’t that flattering. Unflattering, for sure. Kind of seems like you’re trying to get someone’s attention. You won’t be getting mine.
If you happen to be a hipster woman already invested in this lifestyle, don’t fold your cards just yet. That would dock you major lifestyle points. I suggest further alt-labeling, like dying your pit hair, maybe try braiding, throw some Tweety Bird feathers in the mix, or you could take it a step further and dread your pit hair.
Some things are just culturally set in stone. Hairy girl pits even went out of style in fashion havens such as France and Italy, but in the effort to be reactionary, contrarian and cutting-edge progress, please continue resisting conformity. It makes weeding through the large sea of fish that much easier.
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Hitz: Ladies, hairiness is the pits
Daily Emerald
November 14, 2010
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