Coming back to Eugene for fall term, you may be living in the dorms or with randomly assigned roommates. With new roommates comes problems that may arise with clashing living styles. Let’s sort out common conflicts:
How do I get my new roommate to stop eating my food and using my stuff?
It’s definitely really frustrating to run into this kind of scenario, so sort this out as soon as possible.
The first thing to do is think about what other boundaries (besides laying off your stuff) you want to establish. Boundaries become more difficult to negotiate the longer you allow them to be crossed, so be thorough in what you want to address.
Outline exactly what the behavior they’re doing is, why it upsets you and what you would prefer, using “I” statements to avoid sounding accusatory. For example, if your roommate keeps drinking the milk that you buy, you can say: “I really enjoy having you as a roommate, but I dislike when you drink my milk, because it’s my favorite drink. If you did want some, I’d appreciate it if you asked first or bought your own.”
Sounds simple, right? The trouble comes from people being afraid of confrontation — but if you don’t speak up, your irritation will continue to fester until one day you may hate them. So think about what you’re feeling frustrated with, write it down if that helps and ask your roommate when you can speak with them without interruptions.
Once you have that time scheduled, all that’s left is to practice saying what’s on your mind with full confidence.
My roommate isn’t taking precautions against COVID-19 as strictly as I am. What should I do?
This is quite a pickle. If you’re feeling unsafe, definitely sit down with your roommate and have a serious conversation where you outline some rules. Make sure they understand it’s not a you-versus-them situation, but one of concern for you both.
Figure out where your roommate’s coming from and why they aren’t taking precautions. Perhaps they’ve been misinformed by social media or friends and family, but either way, bring up some evidence. If they seem genuinely disinterested in trying to understand your concern, make the appeal that you want to be safe, and hope they will at least respect that request.
Since there are many types of housing, figuring out boundaries for visitors depends on your individual space. Talking about who you both hang out with, and frequency and proximity is vital. Again, frame this as your concern for them and their health, rather than you simply looking out for yourself.
Overall, do not feel that your caution toward the pandemic is unwarranted — this virus has killed over 200,000 people in the U.S., with more cases each day. It’s people like you taking precautions that are helping other people. Know that others appreciate it.
My roommate doesn’t have the greatest personal hygiene, and it makes me uncomfortable. How can I get them to fix it?
The funny thing about living with people outside your family is realizing people’s personal hygiene habits. This is a touchy subject for some, so it is best to tread carefully.
Before you say anything, figure out exactly what is bothering you and come up with ways they can fix the problem. Using blanket statements like, “The way you live is gross” will create unnecessary tension. By targeting exactly what is bothering you and providing a solution, you’re showing you have put thought into the situation.
I recommend asking a close friend to hear what you want to say before you say it. Double-check that it doesn’t come off as accusatory or insensitive, because you don’t want to ruin the relationship between you and your roommate, but you still want to make sure your point comes across. Just remember that setting boundaries and cohabitation is difficult, and that you’re not alone in trying to figure it all out.
As you sort out your relationship and boundaries with your roommate, these types of conversation will become easier, and hopefully you’ll have a harmonious relationship with them for the rest of your lease.
