Are humans monogamous?
This is the question that haunts those happy couples when big days such as Christmas and Valentine’s Day loom over the horizon.
I’m just going to hit you with the bad news up front, because I believe you can take it — biologically, no. Humans are not genetically predetermined to be monogamous.
When you strip away culture, religion, tradition and societal rules, and leave humans naked and shivering under the microscope, they are not monogamous. Sorry if that ruins your glittery Valentine’s Day bubble of love.
But after all, humans are still primates. There are only a few species of primates that show any kind of monogamy, such as gibbons. But even gibbon couples stray.
There are several biological cues leading anthropologists like University professor Frances White, of ANTH 173 Evolution of Human Sexuality fame, to believe that humans are not meant to be monogamous.
One clue suggesting humans are not monogamous is the lack of sexual dimorphism, or the fact that human females and human males are different sizes. Men are, in general, larger than women, implying a male competitiveness for females. The biggest male wins. In turn, his genes are the ones that win.
Another biological cue is teste size (yes, I said teste). Human males have relatively large testes, which indicates high competitiveness between males for females and less-than-monogamous behavior.
And yet, there are also several biological cues that could suggest monogamy. As opposed to non-human primates, human males have no idea when human females are at their most fertile. Therefore, it’s in the male’s best interest to stick around to make sure only his sperm gets to that little egg.
Furthermore, the human infant is one of the most helpless in the animal kingdom, so it’s in the female’s best interest to keep a dude around to help take care of the kid.
Unfortunately, considering the human gifts of self-awareness and free will, it’s hard to say whether humans are biologically anything when it comes down to behavior.
Our societies tell us to mate with one and only one person forever. Religion wails about the sanctity of marriage. Romantics swoon over their “one true love.” And sleeping around (whether you’re in an exclusive relationship or not) is frankly looked down upon in today’s society.
But there is a difference between what our society tells us to do and what is actually done.
What is actually done is this: Humans are not monogamous in the truest sense of the word. We do sleep around. We do have multiple sexual partners (sometimes at the same time), and there is a significant rate of adultery. Just watch the news; all your favorite celebrities and politicians are doing it.
When someone is not looking for a soul mate, White said this is called “gene shopping.”
In human culture, the most common form of monogamy is serial monogamy. You’ve got one main squeeze, one at a time. Eventually you may get the urge (or your biological alarm clock starts ringing) for an offspring, so the search turns to finding that “special someone.” Or, in biological terms, the search for the best genes to combine with yours for the best possible results.
To make society happy, most of the time this search ends with marriage. Unfortunately, a lot of the time happy marriages also end in divorce.
How does homosexuality relate to this? Homosexuality has baffled evolution for years — no one knows how or why it evolved. And yet, homosexuality is not just a unique human trait — it’s seen in dolphins, bonobos (a close, more lovable relative of the chimpanzee) and penguins.
Behaviorally, there is a considerable advantage to male pair bonds (hunting together, defense, etc.) in animals. Evolutionarily, however, scientists have no clue why it evolved.
Interestingly enough, monogamy has nothing to do with sexuality — homosexuals are just as likely to not be monogamous as heterosexuals.
When it comes down to it, it’s called free will. Humans may not have evolved to require one partner and one partner only, but we also evolved with that little voice in our head and a thing called self-awareness.
You can choose to be monogamous, or you can choose not to be. That means none of this, “Sorry babe, it’s in my genes to sleep with other people,” and expecting your significant other to be OK with it.
Whether you choose to be monogamous or not, make sure your Valentine at least knows which one it is.
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