I usually dedicate this little space called My Column for political, legislative or administrative events, decisions and policies that directly affect the campus and — by extension — its students and staff. But bear with me as I digress into a social issue that, after this weekend, I can clearly see needs to be addressed.

First, congratulations on not starting any riots or mass incidents. And aside from the occasional crimes and citations handed out, we’ve managed to get through another Eugene Halloween and you deserve props for not doing anything incredibly stupid or destructive (liver damage notwithstanding).

But I have a bone to pick over some key issues that over the course of the weekend were revealed to be too prominent in a city that prides itself in being different, open-minded and weird. I am, of course, talking about the apparent lack of Halloween spirit displayed by a surprisingly large amount of people this weekend. This even more so considering that even experts agree that we as a country and, more significantly, as college students love Halloween and everything that comes with it.

So it puzzles me that during the course of my weekend “outings” I found the same lame behavior over and over again at both the bars and house parties. Naturally, Halloween is different for all people, and some might not celebrate it or partake in the festivities at all. That is fine and this column obviously isn’t directed at you — but instead for those that have celebrated this holiday so half-halfheartedly.

It’s imperative that I break things down by the sex of the individual because different rules apply for each and should not under any circumstances be applied to the other sex.

Ladies, I’m just going to say it straight up: Regular slutty costumes are fine. There. Now, I know that the first reaction is going to be “Well, you are a heterosexual male, of course you think they’re fine, perv.”

My reply is simply “Touche.” But there is such a thing as being too slutty. (I know it sounds crazy, but bear with me.) Sometimes less is more, and this is one of those times. Also, lingerie is not a costume.

And please, for the love of all that is good with the world, stop dressing up as cats. This isn’t because I personally hate cats or wish they were vanquished from the face of the earth. Not at all. My offense comes from the fact that it comes off as last-minute, unoriginal and lazy. Because no one has ever thought to dress up as a kitty-cat — except for the half-dozen or so cats all partying at Rennie’s.

“But Andrew, what if I don’t want to dress up like a slutty (insert literally anything here)?” Well here’s some good news: There are plenty of awesome, not-slutty costumes out there for you. Just look around on the Internet for many awesome ideas, and unlike in high school, being a nerd can actually help here. Who doesn’t want to dress up as their favorite manga, anime, comic book or video game character?

All I  — or anyone with a soul — ask is that you please put some thought into it.

Now fellas, I haven’t forgotten about you, and I must say that I saw some seriously egregious violations of all that is good (also plenty of bare chest and thighs, which is neither good nor bad).

First and foremost: Wear a damn costume if you are going to a costume party. I mean, really. Besides saying to the entire party as you walk in that “I’m that guy,” you are just making yourself stand out to everybody else. It comes off as disrespectful to the host of the party and to everyone else, you come off as someone who takes themselves too seriously, hates fun or is lazy and unmotivated.

In a party atmosphere, you probably shouldn’t be doing something to draw the ire of fellow guests, but this is a surefire way of doing so.

The only thing worse is showing up with a prop and pretending that you’re “in costume.” No, you’re just some dude with a stupid inflatable sword.

Really, there are only two guidelines for being a guy and dressing up: First, don’t be too crude (read: My costume is centered around my penis), and second, don’t be some obscure character from that-one-show-you-really-liked-but-never-quite-caught-on. If you did commit Costume Sin Number Two, hope you had fun explaining your costume to everybody.

If the former, then you should probably take a good day or two and re-examine what you’re doing with your life and get friends that are better equipped to tell you, “No, that costume is awful.”

Whether you are male or female and committed any of these no-nos this past weekend, cheer up. There is good news. You now have the knowledge you didn’t have before and come next year will be one year older and wiser, ready to descend into madness better prepared than ever with the tools needed to stand out and be a better Halloween-goer.