Have you ever wanted to play professional baseball but were a step too slow, unable to hit or field even when a ball was hit off a tee, or generally have never possessed an ounce of athletic talent?
Were you always the last kid picked on the playground?
Are you of the entrepreneurial vein, looking for something different?
Well, fear not; your day of redemption is here. As long as your pockets are deep and filled with money.
The River City Rascals of the independent league are auctioning off the chance to play in a minor league game against the Gateway Grizzles in a preseason contest at T.R. Hughes Ballpark in O’Fallon, Mo.
The highest bidder of the eBay auction will be guaranteed a half inning in the outfield and at least one trip in the batter’s box.
Here are the rules: You have to be at least 18 and ready to pay out. That, and you need to bring your own glove, pay your own way and get your own shoes, transportation, meals and housing.
But hey, you have the chance to experience a fastball buzzing past your chin, and believe me, that’s the best pitch you’re are going to have a chance to hit, so good luck with that.
Also, the winner gets 20 tickets to the game and gets to keep the uniform.
This is one of the rare opportunities to further distinguish the abilities between yourself and professional athletes, realizing that even though your coach in the sixth grade claimed you had talent, you really don’t.
With that said, this short, bald sports writer probably has a good of chance as any to make
a fool of himself in a professional uniform.
(Provided I had enough money.)
I played baseball in high school; I even played in the outfield. However, I have never swung a wooden bat in a competitive game.
I have faced live pitching before — my last at-bat was more than six years ago.
I have a small strike zone, and I am patient at the plate. (Except in slow-pitch softball. Have to work on that.)
I have recently been playing intramural dodgeball and the aforementioned slow-pitch softball to help keep those critical fast-twitch muscles in top shape.
Watching baseball on television in large amounts has kept my knowledge of the game fresh, and I have perfected the Sosa sprint out to right field just for this occasion.
I was always a good hitter to the other way, and I’m sure for half an inning, the team wouldn’t care that my shoulder is being held
together by duct tape and some yarn.
So now, even though I am a 5-foot-nothing, 100-nothing-pound, soft-tossing lefty that would be laughed out of an open tryout, I finally have my chance to live a professional baseball dream…if only I had $1,200 dollars (the last bid as of 1:54 PDT.)

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