Ah yes, the glory days of being a freshman. I remember them as if they were yesterday. Wait, actually, I don’t, because that was three years ago.
And as you will soon learn, dear freshmen, nights consist of staying up until 2 a.m. on AOL Instant Messenger along with plenty of drunkenness and debauchery to accompany it.
You will miss your mommy and daddy at first. It’s OK, it happens to everyone. But then you may possibly realize, as in my case, that your RA is damn good-looking and the pain of being away from home leaves.
If you live in Bean or Walton complex, try and get comfy, cause the rooms aren’t much bigger than a walk-in closet. You will whine and cry about them for nine months, and in two years you will realize some of your best college experiences happened there.
Trying to fit another person in what they term a bed, bringing a keg into your room, smoking without getting caught and not literally killing your new roommate are all challenges I encourage you to conquer.
Two more things before I lay down the rules at Oregon.
First, chances are your boyfriend or girlfriend will become your ex by Thanksgiving. Because as soon as you get here, it’s not hard to realize the abundance of beauty.
Second, the nightmare known as the “freshman 15” is for real. It mildly happened to me and probably will to you as well. Treat your body as you wish, but remember, for some it’s known as the “freshman 30.” Just trust me on this one.
Now for the 10 Commandments of being a freshman at Oregon:
1) Sadly, we can’t haze you, unless it’s done in secret.
2) Don’t take all my football tickets. Make up a system where you and your dorm buddies are each able to attend ONE home game. Because I’ve been here for three years and shouldn’t have to wake up at 3 a.m. to wait in the line in the rain anymore. You will understand what I mean when you’re my age.
3) Don’t go to the Rec Center unless you actually plan to work out. All the male frosh go there in wife beaters to try and pick up on girls. Go do that at Starbucks or in BA 101, but don’t take away my machines.
4) Don’t strut around like you’re the big man on campus. You’re not.
5) When attending your one allocated football game, wear some Duck gear and show some spirit. It’s not a fashion show.
6) Feel free to drink before your one football game, but if you get too obnoxious, you’re going to piss off the upperclassmen. And if you sit down, even once, you deserve to
be pounded.
7) Learn the “Stick it in! Stick it in! Ooh!” cheer, and enjoy it.
8) Don’t bitch about not getting into billiards or yoga or trampoline class, because you’re last in line and they fill up fast.
9) Remember the teacher who told you there is no such thing as a stupid question? Well, there is. So don’t ask them, because you waste my time.
10) Read the Emerald sports section. Because we truly have nothing but love for all of you who don’t know much about the Ducks yet.