It pains me to have to write about this in the 21st century, but I have heard slurs and hate speech used in Eugene, by random people, in random scenarios, none of whom were friends of mine. Hearing those words spoken in public was shocking and disturbing. It’s often used as a joke or as a playful insult with friends, but that does not excuse its use. 

I know this is not a rare experience. 

I’ve heard slurs a few times in public. One time I heard it across the bar. A second was at a party. Another time, very specifically, was after an intramural basketball game; I heard someone call the other team a slur to his teammates. I am sure I have had more moments like this, but part of me doesn’t want to believe it when it happens. 

I’ve reacted differently in these scenarios. In one scenario, I have spoken up, in another, my friend has, but in one, I stood in awe and silence, dumbfounded at this being accepted as “normal” and waiting for anyone to say something. That image of me staring blankly, too shocked and not strong enough to push through those emotions to say something, anything, haunts me.

That’s not the person I want to be. 

I know most people on campus deem this language unacceptable, and if it was written, recorded or found in a tweet, it would surely be used against them, but that’s not the issue I’m observing. 

The problem is everyone else’s reaction — or lack thereof. 

I’m not sure why we still permit strangers to use words that have been widely criticized for historically being used to degrade people of a certain race, sexual orientation or disability. 

At every occurrence, there is a deafening silence often followed by laughs —usually very awkward and uncomfortable ones — or just an uncomfortable nodding of heads. Hardly anyone, especially their friends or who they are with, make a statement, suggestion or correction recommending they no longer use that word. 

I found through talking with friends and research of my own that a pattern arises. Our society accepts two things to avoid confronting someone. 

Sometimes, it is just not “worth it.” Many feel it’s just not worth it to speak to someone who is using that language because it’s so stupid they’re using the word in the first place. Why even entertain a conversation with someone like that? Some think it’s not worth arguing in public when everyone is just trying to enjoy themselves.

People assume someone else will say something. Maybe people assume that it’s not their place to say something, which is often why it keps happening.

Are we forgetting the pivotal anti-bullying campaigns we were all taught in middle and elementary school? Do those values just stop when it becomes socially uncomfortable to confront someone across a room because they just playfully called someone a slur? 

I don’t care if they are friends and throwing around those words; it’s outdated, immature and ignorant. 

But we all know that, so why do we shy away when it happens in real life? 

“I had not heard someone use that type of language in a long long while and was shocked to hear it thrown around so casually. In the moment I just felt complete and utter disbelief.” 

Lauren Williams, a senior psychology student at UO told me about a recent experience she had when someone used hate speech in public. 

“My friends and I became speechless. I did say something but I wish I said more. I couldn’t stop thinking about what I’d heard for a couple days.”

Williams added, “People want to say something, but it’s hard to take the time and put yourself in a confrontational position to say something. I think people want to avoid a potentially harmful situation.”  

I understand fears for safety, public scrutiny, and awkwardness and it being scary to walk up to a random person, let alone tell them to stop using a slur. But it’s that refusal to speak up that permits such words to continue to be used. 

At the end of the day it’s a choice many of us decide isn’t worth it. But using hate speech as a means of humor is unappealing, inappropriate and just not funny. 

Next time you hear something, second guess your first instinct to remain silent. Don’t shy away from telling others to remove certain words from their vocabulary, even if it’s a futile attempt. You won’t know unless you try.