Over the summer so far, I’ve been doing pretty much the same thing as I did in school — working my ass off. Lately I was feeling a little let down by the lack of pep in my step and lack of brown skin. So a close friend and I decided to go on a 14-day juice cleanse.
I was hesitant at first. I thought, “You’re psycho and there’s no way you will get me to give up carbs — let alone food — for a week.” I’m a food-a-holic, meaning that I love pizza, mac ‘n’ cheese, ice cream and pretty much anything you can get at a pub. I never really considered giving up eating and replacing my meals with pure fruit and veggie mush, but I did.
After all the excitement over going shopping for my organic fruits and veggies was over, I was pumped for my first day. I had three servings of juice mush, two Master Cleanse drinks (cayenne pepper, lemon juice and powdered maple syrup, added to water) and a swimming pool’s amount of water. Beyoncé did the Master Cleanse; Google it.
I felt great during my first day, my pants were even a little loose. What I wasn’t prepared for was the awful, excruciating and unsettling feeling of wanting to eat off my own thigh throughout the next day. I thought I was going to die — or worse: get arrested for assaulting someone eating ice cream.
Over the next four days, I wanted to cry, sleep, yell at everyone, and eat things I’ve never enjoyed. For example: hamburgers. I don’t eat red meat (no, I’m not a vegetarian — it’s just yucky), so as I was watching TV instead of enjoying the sun outside because I was having headaches from the sugar withdrawals, I was mesmerized by a Jack In The Box commercial. You know, the one with a double-decker burger, fries, and a Coke for $4.99? I about punched through my TV set just to get my desperate fingers on the juicy burger.
I felt like a pregnant lady — My cravings were outrageous and my senses were all heightened. whenever I stepped outside, it was like a rush of BBQ-smelling particles came zooming up my nostrils and straight to my brain to make me go absolutely crazy. At one point I wanted to curse the hell out of my neighbor for not asking me first if he could prepare such a lavish feast outdoors. I think I must still be going nuts.
As it turns out, I only lasted five days into the juice cleanse due to the fact that it did the opposite for me of what it was supposed to be doing for my body. Instead, my friend and I switched to eating only organic fruits, vegetables and nuts for a week.
So far, I have two pints of peanut butter, one jar of Wild Squirrel (shout out, ladies!) and $60 worth of New Seasons produce invested into this. Come next Wednesday, it’s burrito time.