Following Conan O’Brien’s lead, comedians have held a big place on Twitter. Here at the Emerald, reading pithy commentary from our favorite comedians is among our few remaining pleasures.
These are our top 10.@@all names checked@@
10. Julia Segal (@juliasegal) — “The automatic flusher activated before I got off the toilet so I am pretty sure I am a ghost.”
9. Aziz Ansari (@azizansari) — “Cause of some promo thing where Lakers won, announcer dude just went ‘Everyone gets free tacos!’ #Best4WordstoHearYelledLoudly”
8. Shelby Fero (@shelbyfero) — “Most of my energy is devoted to tricking people into looking at my scabs.”
7. Mike Birbiglia (@birbigs) — “I’m running for president on this platform: “I want to live in a country where motel keys CAN’T BE DE-MAGNETIZED!””
6. Stephen Colbert (@StephenAtHome) — “I have a ton of other children’s book ideas. Has anyone ever done an uplifting tale about a kitten on the Titanic?”
5. Steve Martin (@SteveMartinToGo) — “Some of you think that having well-prepared fish makes me a 1%er. But anyone can! Simply saute in oil, add herbs. Wait, needs, TECHO-ROCK.”
4. Andy Borowitz (@BorowitzReport) — “To mark Black History Month, I propose a month of silence from Newt Gingrich.”
3. Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) — “When are they going to invent a microwave that will stir my chili? This is exhausting!”@@lol@@
2. Rob Delaney (@robdelaney) — “If you’re afraid of something, a good exercise is to write your fear on a piece of driftwood, then eat a pizza & shit yourself.”
1. Megan Amram (@meganamram) — “I hate bleeding for five days straight every month or so. Flossing is the WORST.”; “It’s so sweet when a boy says those three little words (‘You don’t know how to count’)”