Apparently love is in the air. But unless love is in the form of fluffy white snowflakes, the air is currently loveless in my eyes.
Yes, it’s Valentine’s Day, and yes, I’m single – but don’t worry; I won’t turn this column into a woe-is-me declaration of love lost or a rant against corporate holidays.
Rather, I’d like to sing the praises of being single, especially on this, the most relationship-oriented day of the year.
You see, being single isn’t really as bad as you might think. While everyone else is out being all monogamous and shit, we single folk can do whatever we want. Katherine Heigl’s character put it perfectly in “27 Dresses” when she said “I still get to have hot hate sex with random strangers.” It’s true; if you’re into sluttin’ it up, than being single is the perfect opportunity to do that.
But if you’d rather not spread your seed around (you know, to avoid STDs), you can at least flirt, and no one’s going to get jealous of your flirtatious behavior if you’re single. There are no boyfriends or girlfriends to give you the stink eye for making eyes at others, leaving you free to flirt with whomever you damn well please. Ah…the freedom.
You know what else rocks about being unattached? Not having to share your bed. If, like me, you have a queen-size bed, you can sleep on any part of it whenever you want. I can spread myself out full-eagle and no one can do anything about it. And there’s no one there to breathe on me while I’m sleeping, and I really hate people breathing on me. It’s really an overall amazing situation. Call me selfish, but I love being able to sleep uninterrupted.
When you think about it, being single is really the best option for all selfish jerks like me. I’m free to admit that I’m the most important person in my life, and my feelings are the only ones that matter. I don’t have to worry about a significant other getting jealous, angry, crazy, sad, clingy or any other emotion from my list of “Feelings for Grody Emotional People.”
And not worrying about those grody feelings also means not worrying about humiliating public meltdowns. If you’re anything like me, then you enjoy privacy. The fact that I’m single means I won’t get in an embarrassing argument with my lover at a social gathering or have tear-filled cell phone conversations in the middle of a public place.
None of this is to say I’m morally opposed to relationships or anything. I’m just rad enough to see the positive in a sometimes disheartening situation. At night, when I think I might be sad because the other side of my giant bed is cold, I just spread myself out over the bed’s entire sleep-inducing surface and I feel better.
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