They think they’ve taken care of everything.
The Bob Marley posters are rolled up, the Xbox is safely stored in the car trunk and used boxes full of old notebooks and computer wires have been moved out of what was once their college bachelor(ette) pad.
And then they see it – the enormous piece of furniture they have conveniently forgotten about. Trying not to panic, they pick up the phone and dial your number.
You get the call just as you’re about to head off to the coast for a weekend of sunshine, beer and, well, more beer.
“Hey man, uh, so I’m moving out and stuff and, uh, I was wondering if you could help me move something today. Shouldn’t take long,” they say.
But you know what they’re talking about. You, unfortunately, have a truck.
Yes, moving-out season is a trying time for those of us who own vehicles capable of moving “that really sweet couch we found behind Goodwill last year.” Friends, acquaintances and the occasional person you don’t even know begin flooding your voice mail pleading for your assistance in moving their over-sized and under-kept furniture.
I wish I could help them all, you think. But then you remember last spring, before you knew better, and the long, sweaty hours of pushing beer pong tables down apartment stairs and endless drives to storage locations in the middle of nowhere.
You can help out your close friends, but there’s no way you can save everyone’s day. But how do you let them down without seeming like you don’t care about their plight? Here are a few time-honored ways to let ’em down easy.
1. Persuade them they don’t need it. Even though that couch has more stains than surface area and smells like an elegant combination of urine, body odor and that time your buddy tried to show you how to use his gravity bong, your friends will feel very attached to what they think they need moved.
Calmly explain to them that a few years down the road they’ll be shoving it into the dumpster behind Wal-Mart, and that dates don’t usually enjoy sitting on furniture that makes them need a shower.
2. Make up plans you can’t cancel. Of course you’d love to help them move that love seat across town, but you’ve been nominated for the International ______ Academic ______ ______ Award, and you certainly can’t miss the reception (fill in blanks to maximize believability). If only you hadn’t been recognized for all that work/research!
3. Tell them your truck’s at the shop. They need to move it by Monday? What are the odds your truck will be at Jiffy Lube until Tuesday. If plans change, tell them Jiffy called and said they need it for another week to fix the engine’s spark-plug oil cap-odometer. Unless they watch Pimp My Ride, that should do the trick.
4. Suggest U-Haul. Yes, it costs money, but it’s worth a shot. Maybe they’ve got a few bucks to spare. Then again, maybe they weren’t even going to give you gas money.
Of course, you should help people out if they’re in a serious predicament, but these tips will allow you to save your weekends and still get invited to that tailgate party next fall.
But in the rare case when all four fail and you’re on the edge of having to drive that damn ottoman all the way to Chase Village, try not to panic. Pick up the phone and call a friend with a truck.
“Hey man, so I’ve got a friend who’s moving out and uh….”