The following text was recovered from under a burning pile of books and U.S. constitutions. It is a partial copy and a team of forensic scientists are working to piece together the remaining sections. They are real moments taken from the ascendency of an apparent demagogue. As they work to piece together the fundamentals of this ideology, we should all be fighting to resist the deterioration of our democracy at the hands of this terrifying regime. Freedom of religion and information are a couple of early victims, and let us not allow this treachery to define or shape us. Resist.
The Authoritarian Handbook
Chapter 1: Incite mistrust in the media
Step 1: The media is your enemy, and they are liars.
We need to make sure that our supporters know that the media is against us and that they are dishonest. There are some important foolproof steps we can take to help the public understand that the media are elitists. They are lying when they oppose us and are out of touch with our people. A good place to start is by declaring the media to be an opposing party that only stands to discredit our stupendous movement and truly great and wonderful people.
Here’s an excellent example (remember, people love conflict):
We have a “running war” with the media.
“The media here is the opposition party. They don’t understand this country. They still do not understand why Donald Trump is the president of the United States.”
“The media should be embarrassed and humiliated and keep its mouth shut and just listen for a while.”— Steve Bannon, in a recent interview with the New York Times.
Great job, Darth, we are really impressed with your clarity about your feelings on the crumbling fourth estate. Those idiots would be well-served to follow your advice. Let’s move on to public speaking.
If you are in public get the audience involved, here’s a great example of how to talk about the media:
“They are terrible. They are honestly, and I don’t mean all, I mean like 75-80 percent. And they know it, they know it, they know (repetition helps). These are not stupid people, but they’re very dishonest people in many cases.”
Now that you have the crowd on your side, let’s do some call and response.
“Do we like the media?” (Expect a chorus of no’s!)
“Do we hate the media?” (Raise arms to punctuate the loud yes from your adoring fan base.)
Excellent, we have our people on our side and they know who the enemy is. Now let’s tackle some of those nasty methods they use to try and tell us we’re wrong.
Step 2: Redefine critics and criticism.
Now that you have sown the seeds of discontent with the media, it’s time to show your people that the media are dishonest spin-doctors. This is a great opportunity to guide the conversation about who gets to say what, and how they get to say it. Public shaming will be an invaluable tool in this part of your program.
Here’s a great way to deal with a pesky reporter at a news conference:
“No, not you. Your organization is terrible. Quiet, quiet, she’s asking a question don’t be rude… I’m not going to give you a question, you are fake news.”
Congratulations! By characterizing an entire media organization as “fake news” after they aired an unverified story about you, you have positioned yourself excellently to discredit anything they say against you in the future. So far you are doing great, let’s keep it up and eventually we can get to dismantling that pesky constitution everyone always gripes about.
Before we move on, let’s redefine some of our prior actions and place the blame for that type of behavior on the crooked media:
“[Reporters] calling the President names, going on Twitter and saying snarky things about him, the President of the United States, that would never pass editorial muster on a network or in the papers really should be re-thought.”
Great job! We managed to turn one of our leader’s favorite pastimes, making snarky remarks on Twitter, into something the media shouldn’t be doing. Now that we have redefined fake news and prescribed how it is acceptable for members of the media to behave on Twitter, let’s tackle that annoying objective reality thing.
Step 3: Offer an alternate reality.
After waging war on the media and undermining their credibility and right to share their opinions and analysis, we have positioned ourselves excellently to bring forward some of our own wonderful ideas. Let’s try some of the all-time hits — these ones never fail to impress.
Brag about your popularity; if everyone loves you why would they even bother to hold you accountable. You are their trustworthy and good leader. Tell them about how historically amazing your victory was — heck, even claim that God stopped the rain so you could give your inauguration in the sunshine.
In the case that people threaten to undermine you and your movement, perhaps by saying you didn’t win the most votes, let’s go ahead and question the fundamental validity and mandate of the voting system.
A great way to do this is by saying that some nefarious plot by millions of people to vote illegally, and only against you, is the only explanation for your popular deficit. People love intrigue and mystery, so make sure you don’t have any substantial evidence of this. It’s always better to keep them guessing.
Step 4: Repeat steps 1-3, until everyone believes it or all dissent is silenced.
Follow Carl on Twitter @Carlschirps