Students all over campus are pushing through finals week to reach the anticipated winter break. A warmth accompanies the thought of a lengthy break from academics, and excitement permeates the University of Oregon’s campus. But despite high levels of enthusiasm about the prospect of time off, many students also have mixed feelings as they look toward another trip back home.
Numerous websites include tips for dealing with the first few visits home after college students leave the nest for the first time. The problem: All the tips are for the parents. They describe changes parents might see in their children and advise against expecting a return to normalcy. Some, such as Lifespan, comment on how parents need to set rules and expectations and communicate with their children to make the transition easier. While this may be beneficial advice for parents, none of it speaks to the students, who are also struggling in these situations.
By disregarding student experiences, these websites fail to acknowledge the thoughts and emotions that accompany the return home. For first-year students especially, fall term marked the beginning of navigating their own lives and figuring out what independence means to them.
While being home is soothing at first, things can start to feel stressful when family members passive-aggressively assert their expectations. Even an expression of care often feels like a discomfiture. While they’re comforting to an extent, they can expose the gap between pre-college and post first-term family dynamics when they’re overdone.
Such was first-year student Eddie Habas’ homecoming experience. “People are changing a lot when they go to college,” he said. “It’s just something that happens. Being away from home, I have a lot less pressure on me.” He continued by talking about Thanksgiving break, saying, “My mom and dad miss me a lot, so they’re acting like I could do no wrong.”
Choosing between his parental treatment before college and after college would be very difficult for Habas. Pre-college life was very enjoyable for him, despite some frustrations, including his parents stressing him out more about school work and being treated more like a child than an adult. On the other hand, going home after a term of college, Habas felt as if he was treated in a constantly loving manner. In many ways, that was comforting, but in others, he said, “I want you to treat me normally. I don’t want you to treat me like I can do no wrong.”
Home is a relative term. For some students, it’s the place or the people. For others, it’s a feeling or thought. Maybe the return home for Thanksgiving was accompanied by stress or anxiety. Maybe the upcoming winter break is anticipated with feelings of dread. Either way, I think a major factor UO students can pride themselves on is being adaptable.
Even if you are looking forward to the extensive time with your family, it is still important to acknowledge how you’ve developed and grown since you left. Change is simply unavoidable. Looking forward to the winter break, UO students need to remember that an adapting home environment is natural.
Slight adjustments in one’s environment can cause more stressors. But as fall term draws to a close, it is vital to reflect and analyze our progress. It is through independence and responsibility that we all must learn how to live on our own. Being able to return home, wherever that may be for you, and delighting in the ever-changing, constantly maturing community dynamic is the most exciting part of personal growth.
