By: Sam Bouchat
A  lot of uproar has arisen due to the pending legislation regarding the federal funding, or lack thereof, for Planned Parenthood. It’s becoming more and more apparent that, not only do people have opinions, they will not stop shouting them until either everyone accepts their opinion, or the government forces them to have that opinion.
I’m fairly good at calming down my rational side long enough to wait until I get home to rant about the never-ending stupidity that people can spew, but, occasionally, I become overwhelmed. No, I don’t agree that funding for Planned Parenthood promotes abortion and, yes, I am pro-choice.  I can take a deep breath with this issue and realize that other people have different opinions. I get that.
But, sometimes, an idea is proposed that is so abnormally moronic that the fact that it has wormed its way into government leaves me nearly too stunned to speak. Nearly.
Republican Georgia state representative Bobby Franklin has opened his deranged head and let ideas flow that would better be kept at the bottom of a latrine somewhere. Because of him, a bill is being considered before the Georgia House that will—are you sitting down? —criminalize miscarriages.
According to Newsweek, more than half of all miscarriages are caused by uncontrollable chromosomal abnormalities. Other causes, so called “lifestyle causes,” have been vaguely studied, at best. Scientists are not in agreement as to whether microwaves or hot tubs can increase risk of miscarriage, for example.  Some habits, such as caffeine or alcohol consumption, also aid in a minority of miscarriages.
Mr. Franklin wants to make miscarriages, or, as he terms them, “prenatal murders,” punishable by the death penalty.
You might want to go back and read that last line again.
Bobby Franklin, who has three children himself and has been married for over 27 years, has a degree in Biblical studies from Covenant College. I don’t believe I’m taking a big leap by assuming that his radical opinions are influenced greatly by his religious background. Of course, he could just be insane.
Earlier this month, he proposed a bill that would change the term “victim” in rape cases’ criminal reports and court documents to, simply, “accuser.” That would protect the rapist (or, I supposed, the “accused”) if he/she turned out to be acquitted. Why just rape cases? Like I said: Insanity. But, hey, people lie about being raped all the time. It’s a Georgian pastime.
This new bill, however, would require criminal investigations in the wake of every miscarriage. Imagine this: you’re an expecting mother. You go to the doctor, excited to see your child up on that black-and-white monitor. But when they press that plastic bit into your stomach, there’s not heartbeat; there was a miscarriage. The doctor is sorry, he’s not sure what caused it (which is usually the case with miscarriages). You’re devastated.
Ring ring. Who’s that? The police? Sorry, they gotta investigate you, see if you didn’t throw yourself down a flight of stairs, or maybe you’ve been using meth, who knows? Suck it up!
This is what God wants!
If they discover—through means that the bill doesn’t expressly state—that the miscarriage occurred with absolutely no human involvement (which means, I assume, God just wanted to mess with you), then you’re off the hook. Whoo!
Can you imagine how traumatizing it would be if you were taken to court? Man, that would have been awful. But everything’s all right in the end.
Or say you are proven guilty by a jury of your peers, proven guilty under a bill created by a man who most certainly is NOT your peer, who is, in fact, a man with no medical background, who’s so far right he’s fallen completely off the edge, who for not for a second considered what you might be going through as it is without your government accusing you of killing an unborn, underdeveloped fetus within your own body.
Well then, you might just find yourself on death row.
Gotta love Bobby Franklin.