In a bookstore not too long ago, I saw a book called “Marriage Under Fire,” by Dr. James Dobson. I was intrigued by the title because safeguarding marriage in an increasingly sick society that routinely tramples and disregards that sacred covenant is a subject very dear to me.
I was delighted by the prospect of reading a book about what we can do to help stem the rampant disintegration of the family caused by divorce, abuse, neglect and adultery. Unfortunately, this was not that book. It took only a quick glance at the dust jacket to find out that Dr. Dobson’s book is a 128-page diatribe against gay marriage.
I am disgusted by all the hoopla that’s been made about gay marriage lately. I just don’t understand how so many self-styled “defenders of marriage” can spend so much time, energy and money trying to safeguard bans on same-sex marriage while our divorce rate is out of control and still climbing.
Homosexuals are not the biggest threat to marriage in this country — heterosexuals are. I’m not saying I support gay marriage, it’s just that this issue has never registered much on my radar compared to a much more obvious, and much more imminent threat to our family life: Selfishness and “I”-centered thinking is now the norm. A worldly mentality of self-actualizing psychobabble and inane rationalization that flouts commitment while trying to pass itself off as wisdom has seized our culture.
While everybody gets agitated about gay marriage, we remain our own worst enemies. The divorce and adultery rates are the twin elephants sitting in our living room that nobody wants to acknowledge, let alone do anything about.
In public schools, we’re taught sex education, but we’re not taught family education. This is just one example of how backward our priorities are (and you know most kids aren’t getting lessons in healthy family life at home). Am I a reactionary? On this issue, you bet. There’s nothing wrong with being a reactionary when the very core of society is sliding into the abyss, leaving a trail of broken homes and shattered lives in its cruel, destructive wake.
We need to call this situation what it is: an imminent crisis that must be dealt with today — not tomorrow or the next day, today.
In the short run, couples need to decide what to do, not if, but when, adultery makes its way into the relationships. When lost in puppy love, too many couples think it will never happen to them, so they don’t think about it. But the statistics clearly show that we’re all human, and it happens — a lot. Adultery has run rampant, and there’s no segment of the population that’s safe. To not have a crisis plan in place is naïve and foolish in this culture. In the long run, we need to work on “affair-proofing” our marriages and eliminating this scourge of unfaithfulness that has had its way with countless couples.
This is a crisis that affects all Americans. The social costs of
divorce are so enormous they are almost incalculable. The huge cost of the court system, family and child services and loss in productivity is obvious. The real social cost, though, is the mind-boggling increase in violence, crime, drug abuse and other social ills that accompany this epidemic of broken homes.
What’s so frustrating about this crisis is that while it has a huge impact on society, there is little the government can do. Society is tearing itself apart, and our government is powerless to stop it; only couples have the power to change the course of our country. One marriage at a time, we need to become a nation of couples who will fight for instead of against each other.
When a marriage is broken, it needs to be fixed. We can’t ignore the problem any more than we can walk away from the problem. Sick people need doctors and sick
marriages need counselors.
Too often, though, people don’t fight for marriage. They figure if it’s not easy then they must be doing something wrong, so they walk away. Nothing worthwhile endures without a fight. Love is a choice, not a feeling. Commitment is a decision, not an emotion. And sometimes we have stand by our commitments despite every bit of “wisdom” to
the contrary.
One of my favorite movies is Rob Reiner’s “The Story of Us,” which chronicles the rise, fall and restoration of a marriage. I don’t want to ruin the ending of the movie for those who haven’t seen it. But for those who have, I’d just like to say that we need to become a nation of people who are willing to say, “Chow Fun’s.”

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